"::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net> wrote in
news:2mtua4t09u8out4dkk0i8s16hgto5se9vv@4ax.com:
>
>
>
>
> How does Osama bin Laden practice safe sex?
>
> He marks the camels that kick.
>
>
> ==========
>
>
> A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five
> iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him
> what happened.
>
> "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced
> her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I
> was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at
> its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough,
> there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the
> cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."
>
> "What did you do?" asks the doctor.
>
> "Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like
> yours!"
>
>
> ==========
>
>
> A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a
> bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the
> bull who lost the bullfight. Intrigued, the man went inside, only to
> find that where was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser's
> balls. So he signed up and came back six weeks later. When he got his
> meal, there were two teeny, teeny balls on his plate. He called the
> waiter over to complain.
>
> "I've waited six weeks for bull balls. What are these?"
>
> "Sir," the waiter said, "the bull doesn't always lose."
>
>
> ==========
>
>
> Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees
> a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding
> her pet cat in her arms.
>
> "Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"
>
> "No," she cries, "It's too far!"
>
> "I play football, I can catch him"
>
> The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to
> Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.
>
> Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him.
> The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to
> catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one
> handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks
> into cheers.
>
> Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his
> knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.
>
>
> ==========
>
>
> A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help.
> The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog
> down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body
> and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is
> dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this,
> demands a second opinion.
>
> The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the
> cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from
> head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at
> the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but
> the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."
>
> The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
>
> The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks
> from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet
> looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is
> dead too."
>
> The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks
> how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
>
> "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....
>
> "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my
> initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab
> tests."
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
OMG was it worth having the comp repaired LOL.
Mercury.
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