| Irish Pub Jokes |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (behind@u.org) |
2007/03/13 13:22 |
Irish Pub Jokes
1
Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday
in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours
through desert country and oil fields.
Murphy said, "Where are we now?"
The guide said, "We're in the great state of Texas."
"It's a big place," said Murphy.
The guide said, "It's so big, that your County Kerry would fit into
the smallest corner of it."
And Murphy said, "Yes, and wouldn't it do wonders for it!"
2
Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host
Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Diamond asked him to
explain what it meant. He said that the term means "maybe the job will
be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that.
Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?" The host turned
to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if
there was an equivalent term in Irish. "No. In Ireland we don't have a
word to describe that degree of urgency.", replied Brennan.
3
(Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a
rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid
to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument
landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his
co-Pilot and says. "Jazus Mick...Well have to turn back...none of the
equipment is working!." Mick says to Paddy; "No Problem...Sure I can
tell where we are by sticking my hand out the Window!
"OK!" says Paddy, "Where are we then?"
Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; "Well
Paddy, I reckon were over the Bay of Biscay. The humidity seems to be
gone out of the air. This is caused by the seawater. Just Head North"
"Brilliant!" replies Paddy, and precedes north bound. Fifteen Minutes
later Paddy asks: " Where are we now Mick?"
Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; " Were
over the English Channel now. The air is much cooler here. Just head
in a north easterly direction."
Thirty minutes Later Paddy asks: " Where are we now Mick?"
Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; "Were
over the Ballymun flats. Quick...Bank left here and you should be on
Course for Runway One. Paddy, Responds and 5 minutes later the plane
lands safely on Runway One. Paddy turns to Mick and says: "That was
Brilliant...But...Tell Me . How did you know we were over the Ballymun
Flats". "Well!" said Mick...When I pulled my hand back in.. My Watch
was Gone!"
4
An American tourist was driving in County Kerry, when his motor
stopped. He got out to see if he could locate the trouble. A voice
behind him said, "The trouble is the carburetor." He turned around and
only saw an old horse. The horse said again, "It's the carburetor
that's not working." The American nearly died with fright, and dashed
into the nearest pub, had a large whiskey, and told Murphy the
bartender what the horse had said to him.
Murphy said, "Well, don't pay any attention to him, he knows nothing
about cars anyway."
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