Jokes about the Stupid Irish
1
A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a
petrol station, since he's in need of petrol, the man decides to stop.
He says to the attendant at the station, "Fill it up, will you?". The
man says "Sorry - we're right out of petrol." So the man considers,
and says "Well, I'm a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?"
And the attendant responds"Sorry, but no oil either." The man thinks,
and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the
by-now predictable response that he can't do that. The man at this
point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant "Just what kind of
petrol station is this ?" The attendant then looks both ways, and very
carefully whispers to the man "To tell you the truth, this is just an
IRA front."
The man then says "Well, in that case, you can blow up the tyres !"
2
Michael Hoolihan was courting Frances Phelan. The young couple sat in
the parlor of the girl's house night after night, much to the
annoyance of old man Phelan. One night he couldn"t take any more.
Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down, "What's that young
fella doin' here all hours of the night?" "Why, Dad, " said Frances,
"Michael was just telling me everything that's in his heart!" "Well,
next time, " roared Phelan, "just let him tell you what's in his head,
and it won't take half as long!"
3
Higgins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan. He
had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down
to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, So Higgins
decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no
pain.
When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet
from the dock. Higgins, afraid of missing this one and being late for
dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.
"How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud Higgins to a deck
hand.
"It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you wait? We were
just pulling in!"
4
Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late
Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer. What happened said
the farmer, Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, well said
the farmer if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they
would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday.
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