Path: news.nzbot.com!not-for-mail
Subject: Re: Vatican Expels Gays fromCatholic Church
Date: Sun, 16 Oct 2005 00:43:59 -0400
From: "::Y-Not::" <$9+-Y-Not@here.com>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Reply-To: ::Y Not::
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In article <jhf2l158tq3m8p3hcrb7is1u05mdu5kes3@4ax.com>, Lil Stinker
NP-g07 <anywhere@uwant2.com> wrote:
> Vatican City - The Catholic church announced its formal policy today to
> ensure that there are no longer any gay priests within the world's
> largest christian denomination. The policy is surprising to many and is
> believed to be the church's latest response to the pedophelia scandal.
> Vatican Spokesman Lytin Hyslofers described the rationale behind the
> new policy, "We were considering the direction of the church in the
> twenty-first century. We had the grave all picked out, with a lovely
> headstone, and a very elaborate coffin. And then someone said, 'hey,
> we could use a few more nails for this thing'."
>
> The policy was further explained by Cardinal Inntha Klawsett, "We
> looked at all the serious studies showing that pedophelia is not linked
> to sexual orientation and most likely derives from whichever children
> the perpetrator has access too. We also read all the studies that most
> pedophiles identify themselves as heterosexual. Then we said,'Hey,
> we're the guys who told Galileo the sun revolved around the earth. Are
> we gonna go with facts when we have blind ignorance and prejudice to
> get us through'."
>
> The cardinal in charge of the church's new "straight agenda" Monsignor
> Torr Kemawda described how the policy would be enforced, "We're going
> to go around to each and every parish and look for scientifically
> acceptable signs of gayness such as; Priests whose shoes match their
> vestments, Lenten banners that look just a little too colorful, incense
> that smells too pretty, choirs that have great harmony, all the
> telltale signs of an insidious gayness. If that occurs, we'll do an
> 'exorcism' which is top secret but will involve a keg of beer and a big
> screen TV showing football in the sacristy. As to the priests, they'll
> be expelled and excommunicated, not transferred, this gayness thing is
> serious, unlike good old fashioned pedophelia."
>
> The Vatican was unavailable for further comment after the policy was
> announced, as it appeared to be empty.
>
> Lil Stinker
> "just havin' fun!"
Oh this is bad! REALLY bad.
But in a terrifically good way. :-)
I'll be sending you an email about the goings on in another group, that
you might enjoy watching. See if you can see, that we see they don't
see, because they are at sea, what the "slam dunk is". :-)
Take care,
Y Not
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