On Sun, 21 Feb 2010 20:31:22 -0500, Mover <Mover@Watch-Me.com> wrote:
The Care and Feeding of Your Troll: A Primer
===========================
So, you've brought home a new Internet Troll. Congratulations! If you
are a first timer having a troll, you may have questions. Here are a
few suggestions so that you and your troll can live in karmic balance.
Now remember, each troll is different and your results may vary.
However, this primer should help you get on your way. Welcome to the
world of having a troll!
How do I refer to my troll now that I have him/her?
First, your troll may show up already named. Yet, you will find the
ihateyou or yousuck. Never fear, you can always change their name. If
this is your first troll, I find that it is best to give him/her a
soothing, happy name to remind you that they are really just helpless,
sad creatures. A good name can make all the difference! I recommend
something like FluffyLoveBunny or Silly Billy Chickie Boo. How scary
is that? Not so much.
So your troll has a name! Congratulations! You are on your way!
How do I discipline my new troll?
Now as trolls are known to do, yours may act up from time to time. He
or she may get down right nasty and vicious towards you. Remember:
That is in their nature. They are inbred to act that way. It is just
NOT their fault. (And rumor has it most of them were dropped on their
head often as tiny, baby trolls.) Of course, your first instinct as
you get used to your new troll is to lash out and want to punish them
for being so incorrigible. That would be your first mistake! It only
encourages their behavior. The best way to keep your little
FluffyBunnyLove in harmony with you and your home is to ignore him or
her. Unlike their human counterparts, neglect keeps trolls
temperamentally neutral. Allowing them to see your anger or pain at
their behavior merely encourages them to keep it up and makes them
raging mean. Neglect. Ignore. Restore (the balance). Those are the
keys to disciplining your new troll.
Now that I have a new troll, what do I feed him?
Like any wild animal, it is important to understand the indigenous
nature of their diet. Your new troll may try to convince you that the
best thing you can feed him is a diet of your anger, frustration and
away with anything they possibly can. It would be a mistake to listen
to them. Your anger, frustration and pain is their main source of
of ambivalence and ignorant bliss to maintain their puny stature. As
much as you want to punish him or her, remember that little
FluffyLoveBunny needs to be ignored after he or she comes home with
you. A steady diet of neglect will keep you living in harmony with
your new troll!
Where do I keep my new troll?
That is a great (and normal) question! As with any troll, he or she
will want to be front and center in your life. He or she will want
your never-ending attention at all times. It is their nature.
However, to live successfully with your new troll, you must remember
to keep him or her locked in a corner or sitting so far in the back of
the room that you forget her or she is there. Remember: Neglect
meant to be.
What if my troll runs away from me and never returns? Does this mean
I failed as a troll owner?
Absolutely not! In fact, just the opposite. If your troll gives up
in frustration and leaves you for another, that simply means you have
done a good job in the care and feeding of your troll. Pat yourself
on the back. You deserve it!
However, remember this: The troll population is diverse and re-spawns
troll may follow you home. But, with this handy primer, you will be
ready for the care and feeding of your troll!
Good luck with your new troll! May your journey be swift and
painless!
==You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after
they've tried everything else.
Winston Churchill==
|
| Follow-ups: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
| 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 |
|