In article <p6k4o5pscil4le3he0vaj9s60v35scqjd0@4ax.com>, Rebulon Ruster
<reb.ruster@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Sun, 21 Feb 2010 20:31:22 -0500, Mover <Mover@Watch-Me.com> wrote:
>
> The Care and Feeding of Your Troll: A Primer
> ===========================
>
> So, you've brought home a new Internet Troll. Congratulations! If you
> are a first timer having a troll, you may have questions. Here are a
> few suggestions so that you and your troll can live in karmic balance.
> Now remember, each troll is different and your results may vary.
> However, this primer should help you get on your way. Welcome to the
> world of having a troll!
>
> How do I refer to my troll now that I have him/her?
>
> First, your troll may show up already named. Yet, you will find the
> ihateyou or yousuck. Never fear, you can always change their name. If
> this is your first troll, I find that it is best to give him/her a
> soothing, happy name to remind you that they are really just helpless,
> sad creatures. A good name can make all the difference! I recommend
> something like FluffyLoveBunny or Silly Billy Chickie Boo. How scary
> is that? Not so much.
>
> So your troll has a name! Congratulations! You are on your way!
>
> How do I discipline my new troll?
>
> Now as trolls are known to do, yours may act up from time to time. He
> or she may get down right nasty and vicious towards you. Remember:
> That is in their nature. They are inbred to act that way. It is just
> NOT their fault. (And rumor has it most of them were dropped on their
> head often as tiny, baby trolls.) Of course, your first instinct as
> you get used to your new troll is to lash out and want to punish them
> for being so incorrigible. That would be your first mistake! It only
> encourages their behavior. The best way to keep your little
> FluffyBunnyLove in harmony with you and your home is to ignore him or
> her. Unlike their human counterparts, neglect keeps trolls
> temperamentally neutral. Allowing them to see your anger or pain at
> their behavior merely encourages them to keep it up and makes them
> raging mean. Neglect. Ignore. Restore (the balance). Those are the
> keys to disciplining your new troll.
>
> Now that I have a new troll, what do I feed him?
>
> Like any wild animal, it is important to understand the indigenous
> nature of their diet. Your new troll may try to convince you that the
> best thing you can feed him is a diet of your anger, frustration and
> away with anything they possibly can. It would be a mistake to listen
> to them. Your anger, frustration and pain is their main source of
> of ambivalence and ignorant bliss to maintain their puny stature. As
> much as you want to punish him or her, remember that little
> FluffyLoveBunny needs to be ignored after he or she comes home with
> you. A steady diet of neglect will keep you living in harmony with
> your new troll!
>
> Where do I keep my new troll?
>
> That is a great (and normal) question! As with any troll, he or she
> will want to be front and center in your life. He or she will want
> your never-ending attention at all times. It is their nature.
> However, to live successfully with your new troll, you must remember
> to keep him or her locked in a corner or sitting so far in the back of
> the room that you forget her or she is there. Remember: Neglect
> meant to be.
>
> What if my troll runs away from me and never returns? Does this mean
> I failed as a troll owner?
>
> Absolutely not! In fact, just the opposite. If your troll gives up
> in frustration and leaves you for another, that simply means you have
> done a good job in the care and feeding of your troll. Pat yourself
> on the back. You deserve it!
>
> However, remember this: The troll population is diverse and re-spawns
> troll may follow you home. But, with this handy primer, you will be
> ready for the care and feeding of your troll!
>
> Good luck with your new troll! May your journey be swift and
> painless!
>
> ==You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after
> they've tried everything else.
> Winston Churchill==
Great post! You took my short exposition and ran a creative Marathon
from it. Well done! Should it be included in the FAQ?
But, what is a troll?
I've seen some "on-topic" posters be more harassing and vicious to
their own kind than any real troll ever was, and saw some real trolls
actually be reasonable sometimes. There have been posters who said they
were who they were not, and posters who didn't have a clue who they
wanted to be. There were posters who denied doing the things they were
doing in the posts that contained the denial, and many native English
speaking posters who showed they couldn't read or write worth a
ha'penny, and went off half cuckooed in all misdirections every chance
they could. With all of that going on at the same time, how can we be
sure of anyone being who we think they are? Or even sane, ourselves
included?
in this case there is one little thing you might want to consider on a
day so dreary, while you're weak and weary, pondering on the nature of
the troll knocking on our chamber door; do real trolls ever post
through Newscene? Quoth this Usenet Maven, "Nevermore".
Mover, the Troll Maven LOL
ps
To Poe or not to Poe, that was the question. I think it was nobler I
did it. LOL
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