| Doctor Stories... |
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| ::darkshadows:: (bat@cave.org) |
2009/03/27 00:33 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <bat@cave.org>
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Subject: Doctor Stories...
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Date: Fri, 27 Mar 2009 01:33:12 -0500
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Doctor Stories...
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
~~~~~
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
~~~~~
I was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient
exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me. This is a one-seater!"
~~~~~
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, the informed his doctor that he was having trouble with
one of his medications.
"Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. The nurse told me to
put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
put it!" The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he
hoped he wouldn't see....Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his
body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.
~~~~~
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered, "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was
alive."
~~~~~
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
~~~~~
When my grandmother was in her late eighties, she decided to move
to Israel. As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and
get all her charts. The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she
gave him the litany of complaints -- this hurts, that's stiff, I'm
tireder and slower, etc., etc., etc.
He responded with, "Mrs. Weiss, you have to expect things to start
deteriorating. After all, who wants to live to 100?"
My grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied, "Anyone
who's 99."
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