"::darkshadows::" <bat@cave.org> wrote in
news:kosos49aoluc3gsugj8a2q9sh9hij3pa33@4ax.com:
>
>
> Doctor Stories...
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
> and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
> "Big breaths," I instructed.
> "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
>
> ~~~~~
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
> her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that
> five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
> that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
> ~~~~~
>
> I was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient
> exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me. This is a one-seater!"
>
> ~~~~~
>
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
> cardiologist, the informed his doctor that he was having trouble with
> one of his medications.
> "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. The nurse told me to
> put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
> put it!" The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he
> hoped he wouldn't see....Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his
> body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before
> applying a new one.
>
> ~~~~~
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
> long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
> answered, "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was
> alive."
>
> ~~~~~
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
> breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
> Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
> I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
> labeled "KY Jelly."
>
> ~~~~~
>
> When my grandmother was in her late eighties, she decided to move
> to Israel. As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and
> get all her charts. The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she
> gave him the litany of complaints -- this hurts, that's stiff, I'm
> tireder and slower, etc., etc., etc.
> He responded with, "Mrs. Weiss, you have to expect things to start
> deteriorating. After all, who wants to live to 100?"
> My grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied, "Anyone
> who's 9
Is that a promise LOL?
Mercury.
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