| Beer Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2009/02/27 17:35 |
Beer Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide
SYMPTON: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points to ceiling.
SYMPTON: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog. Complain about house training.
SYMPTON: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTON: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to the bar.
SYMPTON: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTON: Beer tasteless. Front of shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom. Practice in front of mirror.
SYMPTON: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTON: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTON: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTON: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on someone cushy-looking.
SYMPTON: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Your friends are trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Find a new set of friends.
SYMPTON: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Not knowing who you fought with, apologize to everyone.
SYMPTON: Don't recognize anyone. Don't recognize the room.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTON: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Drink more until your voice improves.
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