| Dorm Shower |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2009/02/05 21:55 |
There are ways to make just about any situation fun, even going to
your dorm shower...
1. Enter the stall. Shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really
loudly, exclaiming, "I didn't know I had one of THOSE!"
2. Enter the stall, fully clothed. Do not undress and make sure your
clothes get all wet and soapy. Complain when leaving the bathroom that
your shirt tends to bleed.
3. Ask Scottie to beam you up.
4. Enter the stall, undress and then re-dress up as Superman. Leap out
of the stall, vengefully vow to stop Lex Luther's evil plot, then run
full force into the wall. Stand up, shake your head, and proceed to
take your shower.
5. Bring a bottle of fake blood or ketchup into the shower with you.
Exclaim "Ow! You know, it really hurts when you pop one of those."
Then let the blood/ketchup seep down the drain for all to see.
6. Bring in a rubber chicken. Get it all soapy, then toss in into the
next stall. Demand that the person in that stall return it to you, or
you will cast a voodoo curse on them. The next day, hang the chicken
from the bathroom lighting fixtures by a noose and stick numerous pins
and forks in it.
7. Have a seizure. Bang against the walls of the stall really hard.
Try to knock them down. If anyone later asks if you are okay, just say
that you had some Mexican Jumping Fava Beans and they were reacting
negatively with your stomach.
8. Stand in the bathroom, waiting for would-be shower-goers. When they
come in, tell them "not to do it" and ask them "not to give in to
sin." Wail mournfully when they step into the shower.
9. Initiate a war with the person in the stall next to you. Use the
residual water on the floor as your battle medium, and float little
battleships over to their side. If they kick them back or throw them
over the edge, exclaim that you didn't know they had the power of God
and sheepishly mumble prayers for the duration of your shower.
10. Bring in a fake finger. Float it down the drainage "ditch." Ask if
someone would be so kind as to return it to you. If no one does, tell
them that the finger has been sacrificed to Satan and that the shower
stalls are now possessed. Hang Halloween decorations and crepe-paper
ghosts from them the next day.
11. Bang your head against the stall wall, shouting "Redrum! Redrum!"
in your best groggy voice.
12. Bring a Yoo-Hoo chocolate milk drink to the shower with you.
Complain about a stomach ache, then moan "Ohhhh, um, uh-oh," and
squirt the Yoo-Hoo down the drain "ditch" for all to see.
13. Before you turn the shower on, make a noise like you are charging
up a proton pack from Ghostbusters. Before you turn it off, ask Egon
to set the trap up for you.
14. Bring a balloon into the shower. Make the balloon squeak for the
duration of your bathing experience. Then pop it, and fall to the
ground as if shot.
15. Bring dead fish into the shower with you. Let them float down the
drainage "ditch", complaining angrily about the quality of water these
days.
16. Hang up the names of different farm animals in the stalls. Have
everyone entering the stalls join you in a rendition of "Old McDonald
Had A Farm," making the sound of the animal in their stall.
17. Turn the stall into a shrine for a pagan god. Call him Weeshy.
Insist that anyone who uses that stall must tithe to receive his
benevolence and glory. If they don't tithe, avoid them for the rest of
your life.
18. Take your shower like normal, and then begin screaming that the
Communists are taking over. Make battle sounds -- including bombs,
bazookas, and tanks. Towards the end, wearily declare victory. Leave
wounded.
19. Blow bubbles. Exclaim that you are dissolving.
20. Bring in a bucket, fill it with water, and float a bar of soap in
it. Charge a fee for people to see the Wicked Witch of the West
bathing nude. Threaten anyone who laughs at you with flying monkeys.
21. Start singing Pavarotti really loud. In the middle, stop, stutter
for a second, and then exclaim "Ohmigosh...do you know what these
words REALLY mean?"
22. Suck on the faucet head until you fill up with water. Complain
that the Seven Chinese Brothers get no respect, OR pretend to be a
fountain.
23. Wet your head, and then sneak into a toilet stall. Flush the bowl
and wait a minute. Walk out of the stall lurching, complaining about
how dizzy you are.
24. Buy a bunch of those tiny animal-pills that expand into full,
spongy shapes when they get wet. Bring them into the shower and spill
them into the ditch. Ask somebody for your pills back, and when they
hand you little animals, scream, slap them, and run away.
25. Make your best Psycho noise (reeEENT reeEENT...).
26. Try to get everyone in the other stalls to sing in four-part
harmony with you. If this actually works, change your voice part every
three measures.
27. Become a shower-pirate. Loot other stalls of soap, Oxy pads, and
Q-Tips. Bury them under the tile floor. Fire cannons at people using
toilet balls.
28. Bring scuba gear into the shower with you. Talk to Cousteau. Upon
leaving, tell everyone that the Titanic was actually torpedoed by the
Germans. Be cocky.
29. Hum for a couple of moments, stop, make an "Mmmm!" sound, and then
announce to everyone that the mildew on the shower walls kind of
tastes like head cheese.
30. Coat the floor in a fine layer of quick-drying cement.
31. Hang "Marisa Cevasco steals Homecoming Queen Crown" signs in all
the stalls. If anyone asks who Marisa Cevasco is, call them ignorant
and ignore them for the rest of your life.
32. Bring in Sesame Street bath books. Read them aloud. Giggle every
time Bert walks in on Ernie bathing.
33. Stare at people's feet as they bathe. If they do not wash their
feet, tell them to. If this happens a second time, steal their shoes
and tell them that they left on strike. If they DO wash their feet and
fall down while doing it, laugh hysterically.
34. Stand outside the shower curtain, raise a harpoon, and shout "I'm
coming for you, Moby!" Run in and do battle with the faucet-head. Walk
out a peg leg.
35. Charge a toll for people wanting to use the shower. If they
complain, light them on fire. THEN they'll pay.
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