| Quickies persevere |
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| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/12/03 01:25 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Quickies persevere
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Date: Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:25:51 -0600
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:7513
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight
from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like
to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she
politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a
lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely
declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat
agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and
if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since
she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the
blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this
torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the
earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her
purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now,
it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with
three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop
computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone
with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he
knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and
hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to
get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and
asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde
reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
==========
A blonde, brunette and a red-head were trapped on a island 20 miles
from shore. The red-head started swimming and got tired after 2 miles
and turned around and swam back. Then the brunette started to swim and
after 7 miles of swimming she turned back. The blonde jumped in and
swam 17 miles got tired and turned back.
==========
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her
what had happened to her ears?
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up
the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to
your other ear?"
"The son-of-a-bitch called back."
==========
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help
me.....I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to
get it started".
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets
him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the
table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then
turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not
going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a
tiger".
He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's
have a cup of coffee, then ..........." he sighed, "let's put all
these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
==========
A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her
and said, ''You have acute appendicitis.''
The blond yelled at the doctor... ''I came here to get medical help,
not get a stupid compliment!!''
==========
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for
speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her
window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car,
was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers
license?"
"What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the
fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for
a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your
registration?" asked the cop.
"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde.
"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently.
After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car.
The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's
license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came
back, "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?"
"Yes." replied the officer.
"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher.
"Uh... yes." replied the cop.
"Here's what you do." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back,
and drop your pants."
"What!!? I can't do that. Its... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop.
"Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher.
So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and
registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.
The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not another
breathalyzer......"
==========
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the
bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What's a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
==========
A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the
boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had
boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why. She told her son,
"The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns
to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "units" than his
dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person
is." Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to
play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother,
"Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he
talks, the dumber he gets."
==========
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