Q: What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster?
A: A zipper.
=====
This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.
''Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?''
''Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll
give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass.''
''Okay,'' says the guy. He turns to his dog. ''Okay fella. Tell me --
what is on top of a house?''
''Roof!'' The man turns and smiles at the bartender.
''THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!''
''Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?''
''Ruff!"
''What the hell you tryin' to pull mister?''
''Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy,
tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?''
"Ruth."
The bartender beats the hell out of the guy and throws onto the
sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The
dog stands up and looks at the guy.
"Geez. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
=====
You might be a redneck if you refuse to slide during a softball game
because you don't want to crush your cigarettes!
=====
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him,
"Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said,
"Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground."
So the crocodile bit his legs off.
=====
Once a man walked into a bar and sat down at a booth.
Eventually, he and another man got into an argument about whose dog
could whoop the other dog.
The man said, "Let's have a fight out back.''
''Okay'' said the other.
When they got their dogs, one man opened a case and brought out a 12
inch long yellow dog.
That dog proceeded to kill every other dog in town.
When one man asked, ''Where did you get that dog?'' the man said,
''Well, before I cut its tail off and painted it yellow, it was an
alligator."
=====
|
|