| Jokes 1003 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/10/03 00:35 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Jokes 1003
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Date: Fri, 03 Oct 2008 06:35:12 GMT
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People Really Said These Things In Court
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
=====
Why hasn't Osama bin Laden ever been circumcized?
Because there is just no end to that prick!
=====
A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy dress party but he
didn't know what to go as. He wrote to a fancy dress company and asked
for a recommendation. The reply came back saying that he could go as a
monk becasue of his bald head. He replied angrily saying that they
were just being rude about his bald head.
The company apologized and wrote back saying that he could go as a
pirate, his bald head could be covered by the hat and his wooden leg
would complemnt the outfit. He replied angrily saying they were just
being rude about his wooden leg.
A few days later he recieved a parcel with a note. In the parcel was a
pot of sticky toffee and the note said smear the toffee over your
head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple!
=====
There were these three guys at a football game and it just so happened
that they were sitting behind three nuns. They couldn't see really
well over their habits, so one of the guys says, "Man, I wish I lived
in Ohio, there are only 25 Catholics there."
One of the other guys says, "Well, I wish I lived in Idaho because
there are only 20 Catholics there."
Then the last guy says, "Well, I wish I lived in Oregon there are only
15 Catholics there."
Then one of the nuns turns around and says, "Why don't you go to hell
- there are no Catholics there!"
=====
Slash, a well-known murderer, had been on death row for nearly 20
years. During that time, he had befriended the Warden. Now, the Warden
still had a job to do, but that didn't stop him from treating Slash
special from time to time. A week before Slash was to go to the
electric chair, the Warden asked Slash if there was anything special
he would like. Slash thought for a bit and said he would like the
Warden to contact his wife and have her make meatloaf for him the rest
of his life (which by this time, was short). Of course, the Warden
complied and each day, Slash sat down and had a big feed of his wife's
meatloaf.
The night before the big day, another prisoner was allowed to visit
Slash and asked him. ''Aren't you afraid of dying tomorrow?''
Slash answered, ''I ain't gonna die tomorrow.''
The other prisoner then said, ''But tomorrow is Friday, and we all
know, that's the day they're sendin' you to the electric chair.''
''Don't matter,'' said Slash, ''if this meatloaf can't kill me,
nothin' can.''
=====
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