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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Jokes 928
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Date: Sun, 28 Sep 2008 06:52:35 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:7323
Three Americans were up against a very large Russian in a wrestling
meet. They were nervous because he had a famous move called "The
Russian Pretzel," which often landed his opponents in the hospital.
When the first American caught a glimpse of him, he said, "Coach, he's
HUGE. I'm scared."
The coach replied, "You da MAN! Just go in there and tear him up!"
The guy started the match quite confidently, but after about a minute,
the Russian picked him up, slammed him into the famous pretzel, and
sent him to the emergency room.
The same thing happened to the second wrestler, so the third guy was
petrified. He told his coach he was backing out.
The coach said, "C'mon, son. You're our last chance!"
The kid started out pretty well, but when the Russian started to twist
him into the pretzel, the coach covered his eyes. When he opened them,
he saw the referee holding the American's hand up in victory. The
coach, baffled, asked the kid how he did it.
"Well Coach, when that damn Russian picked me up and started twisting
my body, it HURT! So when I saw two red things dangling there, I bit
them... HARD! You'd be surprised what you can do when you bite your
own nuts!"
=====
Three clergymen were sitting in a boat, fishing.
"I'm thirsty," said the first. "I'm gonna go get myself a Coke." So he
got out of the boat, walked across the water, and came back with his
Coke.
"Ooh, that looks good," said the second and got out of the boat. He
walked across the water, got his Coke, and came back.
"You're right," said the third. "I think I'll get one too." He steps
out of the boat and sinks like a rock.
"Hey," said the first clergyman to the second, "should we tell him
where the rocks are?"
=====
God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf up in heaven. On the
first tee, JB leads off and hits a big blast right down the gut; it
rolls to a stop about 270 yards out, perfect lie. Jesus steps up next
and kills the ball, sending it about 300 yards straight away, perfect
lie.
God steps up and waggles and wiggles and then badly hooks his ball
into the trees. As it flies in, a huge oak is struck by lightning and
splits, one half falling into the path of the oncoming ball and
knocking it into the fairway. As it comes to a rest, a bare 50 yards
out, a squirrel darts out of the woods on the other side and grabs the
ball and takes off towards the left-side woods. Before he gets in, an
eagle swoops down and grabs the squirrel, carrying it aloft down the
fairway. Just as it passes over the green, the eagle is pelted by
hailstones, whereupon it drops the squirrel (still clutching the ball)
onto the green about three feet from the hole. Dazed, the squirrel
spits the ball out where it rolls up and stops on the lip of the cup.
Suddenly there is an earthquake! The ball drops in... hole in one!
Jesus stares at John the Baptist with a pissed look, then turns to God
=====
You know your a redneck if you're playing soccer and you say ''I hit
my two best balls today... with a rake.''
=====
"Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your
homework! Why are you watching television?"
"It's okay, Mom! I haven't done my homework yet."
=====
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