| Jokes 916 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/09/15 22:28 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Jokes 916
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Date: Tue, 16 Sep 2008 04:28:14 GMT
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There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it
wouldn't come out.
So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, ''Big
chief, no fart.''
The doctor gives him a can of beans and tells him to come back
tomorrow to tell him what happened.
The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no
fart.''
The doctor gives him 10 cans of beans this time.
The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no
fart.'' The doctor gives him 100 cans of beans.
The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no
fart.''
The doctor gives him 10, 000 cans of beans and says, ''If this doesn't
work then nothing will.''
The messenger boy comes back the next day and looks at the doctor.
The doctor anxiously asked, ''Well, did it work?''
The messenger boy says, ''Big fart, no chief!"
=====
3 young boys were trying to figure out whose dad was the best.
"My dad is so good he can shoot an arrow, run after it, get in front
of it, and catch it in his bare hands."
"My dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get
in front of it and catch it in his bare hands."
"I've got you both beat. My dad's so good because he works for the
state of Florida. He gets off work at 5:00 and is home by 4:30."
=====
Women's English
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think
about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not
going to like
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game
on T.V.
"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]
"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later
=====
Rules Of Bedroom Golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play.
2. Play must be permitted by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that play is completed. Failure to
do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take
time to admire the entire course with special attention to well-formed
bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being
played. Angry course owners have been known to damage players'
equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
protection.
10. Players should ensure that the match has been properly scheduled,
particularly when a new course is being played for the first time.
Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover
someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful
in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means
of play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any
bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of alignment with,
and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's
request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play
the same hole several times in one match.
=====
Women claim that computers should be referred to in the masculine
gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a
little longer you could have had a better model.
Men concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine
gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for
retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.
=====
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