| Jokes 905 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/09/04 20:07 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Jokes 905
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Date: Fri, 05 Sep 2008 02:07:08 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:7253
Arkansas State Residency Application
ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_)
Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_)
Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)
Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle
(_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name:
_______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still
crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in
back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____
bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The
Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen
Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable Color
of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't
know
==========
Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when
flashing lights from a policeman appear in the driver's rear-view
mirror. ''Don't worry!'' says the driver to his friend, ''Just do
exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First,
we'll peel the labels off our beer bottles and we'll each stick one on
our forehead. Now shove all of the bottles under the front seat! And,
let me do all the talking!''
They pull over to the side of the road and the cop walks up to the
car. He shines his flashlight into the car and looks at the two
drunks. ''Have you been drinking?'' he asks them.
''Oh no Sir,'' replies the driver.
''I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you
sure you haven't been drinking?'' the cop asks.
''Oh, no sir,'' the drunk answers. ''We haven't had a thing to drink
tonight.''
''Well, I've got to ask you,'' says the cop, ''What on earth are those
things on your forehead?''
''That's easy, Officer,'' says the drunk. ''You see, we're both
alchoholics, and we're on the patch!''
==========
You might be a redneck if you like to brag you learned to fire a
shotgun before you could walk!
==========
One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she
wouldn''t be late for church.
running she tripped and fell.
me be late to church -- but don''t shove me either!
==========
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some
rabbit shit. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''
''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll
make you smarter.
So he ate them and said, ''These taste like shit.''
''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're already getting smarter.''
==========
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