In article <sgbva49ch92sm1j5thfjpbjf9s6kad3acg@4ax.com>,
"::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net> wrote:
> On Sat, 23 Aug 2008 05:23:05 GMT, WingedMessenger <Boy@FlyingHigh.com>
> wrote:
>
> >"::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net> wrote in
> >news:2mtua4t09u8out4dkk0i8s16hgto5se9vv@4ax.com:
> >
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> How does Osama bin Laden practice safe sex?
> >>
> >> He marks the camels that kick.
> >>
> >>
> >> ==========
> >>
> >>
> >> A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five
> >> iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him
> >> what happened.
> >>
> >> "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced
> >> her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I
> >> was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at
> >> its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough,
> >> there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the
> >> cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."
> >>
> >> "What did you do?" asks the doctor.
> >>
> >> "Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like
> >> yours!"
> >>
> >>
> >> ==========
> >>
> >>
> >> A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a
> >> bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the
> >> bull who lost the bullfight. Intrigued, the man went inside, only to
> >> find that where was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser's
> >> balls. So he signed up and came back six weeks later. When he got his
> >> meal, there were two teeny, teeny balls on his plate. He called the
> >> waiter over to complain.
> >>
> >> "I've waited six weeks for bull balls. What are these?"
> >>
> >> "Sir," the waiter said, "the bull doesn't always lose."
> >>
> >>
> >> ==========
> >>
> >>
> >> Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees
> >> a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding
> >> her pet cat in her arms.
> >>
> >> "Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"
> >>
> >> "No," she cries, "It's too far!"
> >>
> >> "I play football, I can catch him"
> >>
> >> The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to
> >> Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.
> >>
> >> Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him.
> >> The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to
> >> catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one
> >> handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks
> >> into cheers.
> >>
> >> Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his
> >> knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.
> >>
> >>
> >> ==========
> >>
> >>
> >> A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help.
> >> The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog
> >> down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body
> >> and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is
> >> dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this,
> >> demands a second opinion.
> >>
> >> The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the
> >> cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from
> >> head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at
> >> the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but
> >> the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."
> >>
> >> The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
> >>
> >> The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks
> >> from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet
> >> looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is
> >> dead too."
> >>
> >> The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks
> >> how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
> >>
> >> "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....
> >>
> >> "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my
> >> initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab
> >> tests."
> >>
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >>
> >
> >OMG was it worth having the comp repaired LOL.
> >
> >Mercury.
>
>
> May Apis mistake you for a member of his harem.
>
>
> darkshadows
Excellent set, ds, much funnier than the paintings!
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