| Chickens, Crossing Roads, and Iraq |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/08/06 02:20 |
Chickens, Crossing Roads, and Iraq
Why Did the Chicken cross the Road?
Coalition Provisional Authority: The fact that the Iraqi chicken
crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making
authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the
scheduled June 30th transition of power. From now on the chicken is
responsible for its own decisions.
Halliburton: We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given
the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this
operation will only cost the US government $326,004.
Muqtada al-Sadr: The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will
be killed.
US Army Military Police: We were directed to prepare the chicken to
cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran
over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply
regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations.
Peshmerga: The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross
the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it
needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the
chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill.
1st Cav: The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without
displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was
appropriately detained and searched in accordance with current SOP?s.
We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this
unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity
training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by
female soldiers.
Al Jazeera: The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at
gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to
eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet
another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens.
Blackwater: We cannot confirm any involvement in the
chicken-road-crossing incident.
Translators: Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle
regulation. Future chicken table against my request.
U.S. Marine Corps: The chicken is dead.
Navy: The chicken upon crossing the road was painted and lashed to the
curb.
Kerry: "The chicken crossed the road before it did not"
Baghdad Bob: The chicken never crossed the road! He is safe in
Baghdad, miles from the marauding vehicles of the infidel! THERE IS NO
ROAD!
USAF: "As you can see here in the target video, the bomb was locked
onto the chicken...and there it goes...the chicken is still
moving...still moving...and unfortunately passed out of the parameters
of the guidance system so that the bomb completely missed it and hit
the weasel instead. Gotta admit though, it's impressive footage..."
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