I was on a Southwest flight once that was delayed at the gate
after everyone boarded. The flight attendant said over the
intercom, "We're sorry for the delay. The machine that normally
rips the handles off your luggage is broken, so we're having to
do it by hand. We should be finished and on our way shortly."
=====
On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged,
well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next
to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to
complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the
attendant.
"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I
can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me
another seat!"
"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The
flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll
go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or
first class".
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man
beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding
passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with
the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help
but look at the people around her with a smug and
self-satisfied grin.
"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've
spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full.
However, we do have one seat in first class".
Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess
continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of
upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission
from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt
that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit
next such an obnoxious person."
With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd
like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."
At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a
standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the
plane . . .
=====
The following are actual stories told by travellers from Mendocino
County, CA to travel agents in the UK. (And you wonder why US citizens
generally score less than the rest of the world on geography...)
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was
wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since
Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to
me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going
over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to
California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to
explain the length of the flight and the passport information when
she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid but
Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like
the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts,
Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
A secretary called in looking for hotel in Los Angeles. She gave me
various names off a list, none of which I could find I finally had
her fax me the list. To my surprise, it was a list of hotels in New
Orleans, Louisiana. She thought the LA stood for Los Angeles, and
that New Orleans was a suburb of LA Worst of all, when I called her
back, she was not even embarrassed.
I got a call from a man who asked, "is it possible to see England from
Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."
Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I
pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a one-hour lay-over in
Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I
heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between
the gates to save time."
******If you have ever been to DFW airport, this really is not that
ridiculous because of the way it is laid out **********
A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that
her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at
8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of
Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description
on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said,
"No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with
the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for
a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing), I came
back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the
airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he
replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these
planes have numbers on them."
A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those
computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed
in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion abou
passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've
been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I
double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I
told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and
every time they have accepted my American Express."
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