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| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/06/18 22:27 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Stories
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Date: Thu, 19 Jun 2008 04:27:00 GMT
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Before I left army basic training in Louisiana, for my
next duty station in Texas, my drill sergeant asked me:
"Son, you know how to find Texas?"
I said "I'm not sure, drill sergeant."
"Well" he says, "you go west till you smell shit."
"That's Oklahoma"
"Then you turn south 'til you step in it."
"That's Texas."
=====
The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The
form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The
following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's".... His men
would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. I would not
breed from this Officer. This Officer is really not so much of a
has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be. When he opens her mouth,
it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in
there. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his
entire satisfaction. He would be out of his depth in a car park
puddle. Technically sound, but socially impossible. This Officer
reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a
frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. This young man has
delusions of adequacy. When he joined my ship, this Officer was
something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. Since my
last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. He
sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. In my
opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in
a trap This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. Only
occasionally wets himself under pressure
=====
Bumper sticker seen on a stealth bomber:
"If you can read this, then we wasted 50 billion bucks."
=====
The letter from the Air Force colonel in charge of safety said
that rocket boosters weighing more than 300,000 pounds "have
an explosive force upon surface impact that is sufficient to
exceed the accepted overpressure threshold of physiological
damage for exposed personnel."
In other words, if a 300,000-pound booster rocket falls on
someone, he or she will die.
=====
A World War II veteran came into a London clinic with a hemorrhoid
problem. One painful pile would often hang down from the man's anus
and he was in the habit of pushing it back up with an artillery shell.
On this occasion, the shell got stuck. Doctors were going to remove it
but the man told them the shell was still live. So the hospital called
in the army bomb disposal squad, who built a lead box around the
man's anus to defuse the shell before it could be removed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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