| Joke time |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/05/30 08:29 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Joke time
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Date: Fri, 30 May 2008 14:29:43 GMT
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How does a man know when his wife is losing interest?
When her favorite sexual position is "next door"
=====
Holiday Party Festivity Levels
Level I:
Your guests are conversing quietly, nibbling at their hors d'oerves,
and sipping their drinks. Later, some of the gather by the piano to
sing carols while others admire the ornaments on your tree.
Level II:
Your guests are talking loudly, wolfing hors d'oerves, and drinking
from the bottles. Some people gather by the piano to sing "I Gotta
Be Me" while others begin rearranging your ornaments.
Level III:
Your guests are arguing wildly among themselves, those that haven't
passed out from the upside-down margaritas. One person is singing
"I Can't Get No Satisfaction", which can barely be heard over the
sound of breaking ornaments. A small group of guests begin placing
hors d'oerves in the piano to see what happens when the little
hammers strike.
Level IV:
Your guests, hors d'oerves smeared over their naked bodies, are
performing a ritualistic dance around the burning Christmas tree.
The piano is missing.
In general, you want to keep your party around Level III, unless you
rent your home, have insurance, and are carrying firearms. The
quickest way to get to Level III is egg-nog.
=====
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No bet, the steaks are too high."
=====
Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his
teacher asked, "Why are you late little Johnny?"
Johnny replied, "My grandpa got burnt, Miss."
The teacher replied, "I hope it wasn't too bad."
Then little Johnny said, "Don't worry, the crematorium doesn't muck
around!"
=====
A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a
hamburger.
The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"
The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"
Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare
armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on
the grill.
The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!"
The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in the morning when he
makes the doughnuts!"
=====
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