| Jokes & Quotes |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/05/25 17:50 |
What has four asses?
Eight half assed politicians.
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I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
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Dear Abby:
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank
until one night he came home sober....
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What does an elephant keep up its trunk?
A Yard 'n' half o' snot!
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CONDOMINIUM
A prophylactic for midgets.
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When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan,
refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the
man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so
the robber called the police and was arrested.
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"Death is every man's final critic. To die well you must live
bravely."
- Edward Abbey
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A friend of mine told me he had signed up with one of these on-line
dating services. I asked him the other day if he had had any luck
and he said he'd quit -- seems they'd matched him up with his
wife.
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On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found
him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible "What
are you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," repied the
lawyer.
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At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his students
human reproduction. For an exam, one of the questions was: "Female
humans are born with a limited number of eggs, while males, during
their lifetime, produce millions upon millions of sperm. Why are so
many sperm produced?" One young woman's answer: "Because they won't
ask for directions either."
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"'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and
remove all doubt."
-- Mark Twain
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"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me
the truth even if it costs them their jobs."
- Samuel Goldwyn
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"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I
woke up the pillow was gone."
- Tommy Cooper
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"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act."
- Truman Capote
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"One's action ought to come out of an achieved
stllness; not to be a mere rushing on."
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