What is a man's idea of protected sex?
A padded headboard.
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Kids Say the Darnest Things
* Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
* A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the
population.
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Why is pubic hair curly?
If it was straight, it would poke your eyes out.
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Why does the new British Navy have glass bottomed boats?
So they can see the old British Navy!
****Batten down the hatches.....INCOMING****
[heh-heh-heeeeeeeee]..ds
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A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moooo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this
wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied,
"Bud."
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What do you get when you cross a Rooster with an owl?
A Cock that can stay up all night!!
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The medical student was asked four reasons why mother's
milk was better for babies than cow's milk.
This is the answer he submitted:
1. It's fresher.
2. It's cleaner.
3. The cats can't get to it.
4. It's easier to take on a picnic.
He also added: "It comes in such cute containers."
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Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern.
To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said "Mike, I'll be havin'
three whiskeys."
Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy, it's
not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It's
celebratin', you are.
"Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebrating
me first blow job."
Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar.
"Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself,
here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebration
with you."
Shandy shook his head, and replied "'Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal,
but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won't
either."
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There's an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a
retirement home. The old man says to the woman, "For five dollars,
I'll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten
dollars, I'll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars,
I'll take you to my room, light a few candles and give you a romantic
evening of passion you'll never forget."
The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her
purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says, "So, you want the
romantic night in my room, eh?"
The woman replies, "No, I want four times in the rocker."
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