Path: news.nzbot.com!not-for-mail
From: "::Donut::" <Chocolate@Sugar.Glazed>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Re: Bubba Claus is coming to town
Date: 14 Dec 2007 02:12:02 -0600
Organization: Chocolate Lovers Of the Universe!
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In article <9524m3h26d4ctq7spm1bve3t1dl6ep5t34@4ax.com>,
::darkshadows:: <over@bite.net> wrote:
> Bubba Claus
>
> Is
>
> Coming
>
> to Town
>
>
> A Note from: Santa Claus
>
> I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no
> longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, North and South Carolina,
> New Mexico, Arizona, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and
> Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
>
> Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my
> contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local
> 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks
> for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.
>
> However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with
> your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba
> Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my
> goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there
> are a few differences between us.
>
>
>
> Differences such as:
>
> 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from
> Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
> reads:"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
>
> 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
> leave an RC cola and pork rinds or a moon pie on the fireplace. And
> Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
> have an empty spit can handy.
>
> 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
> instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
> reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
>
>
> 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.."
> when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on
> Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
>
> 5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
> likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
>
> 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does
> have a Yosemite Sam safety sticker on the back with the words "Back
> Off."
>
>
> 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
> Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your
> negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves
> Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as
> Bubba Claus.
>
> And Finally,
>
> 8. Bubba Claus doesn't always wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make
> sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over
> to put presents under the tree.
An Oreo sup, ah depository?
> Sincerely Yours,
>
> Santa Claus
>
I wonder who Santa got to replace Blitzen. Hopefully it will be a
reindeer who knows his way around large population centers. They'll
probably call him "Cityzen".
Donut ;-)
--
"Donut make your brown eyes blue..."
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