Bubba Claus
Is
Coming
to Town
A Note from: Santa Claus
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no
longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, North and South Carolina,
New Mexico, Arizona, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and
Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my
contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local
209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks
for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with
your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba
Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my
goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there
are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from
Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
reads:"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
leave an RC cola and pork rinds or a moon pie on the fireplace. And
Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.."
when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on
Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does
have a Yosemite Sam safety sticker on the back with the words "Back
Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your
negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves
Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as
Bubba Claus.
And Finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't always wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make
sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over
to put presents under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
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