On Mon, 22 Oct 2007 05:59:26 GMT, WingedMessenger <Boy@FlyingHigh.com>
wrote:
>"::darkshadows::" <bloody@mary.org> wrote in
>news:d78oh3l9m9ct16p92ojgvp1tom22ri13d9@4ax.com:
>
>>
>> Letters to Santa
>>
>>
>> 1. Dear Santa,
>> I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all
>> yeer. YeR FReND, BiLLy
>>
>> Dear Billy,
>> Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare
>> specialist.
>> How 'bout I send you a f****** book so you can learn to read and
>> write?
>> I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
>> Santa
>>
>>
>> 2. Dear Santa,
>> I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
>> peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
>>
>> Dear Sarah,
>> Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
>> Santa
>>
>>
>> 3. Dear Santa,
>> I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
>> Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
>> Love, Joey
>>
>> Dear Joey,
>> Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
>> You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
>> Santa
>>
>>
>> 4. Dear Santa,
>> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
>> I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
>> Please see what you can do.
>> Love, Teddy
>>
>> Dear Teddy,
>> What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
>> babysitter?
>> He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son!
>> Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
>> Santa
>>
>>
>> 5. Dear Santa,
>> I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon
>> cards than me.
>> Please see what you can do. Love, Michelle
>>
>> Dear Michelle,
>> It blows my f****** mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy
>> hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you
>> snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you
>> something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
>> Santa
>>
>>
>> 6. Dear Santa,
>> I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes,
>> a dog, a drum kit,a pony and a tuba.
>> Love, Francis
>>
>> Dear Francis,
>> Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
>> Santa
>>
>>
>> 7. Dear Santa,
>> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
>> your reindeer outside the backdoor.
>> Love, Susan
>>
>> Dear Susan,
>> Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face.
>> You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some
>> Toblerone.
>> Santa
>>
>>
>> 8. Dear Santa,
>> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
>> Your friend, Thomas
>>
>> Dear Thomas,
>> All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
>> most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my
>> cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
>> Santa
>>
>>
>> 9. Dear Santa,
>> Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
>> awake, like in the song?
>> Love, Jessica
>>
>> Dear Jessica,
>> You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your
>> house...
>> Santa
>>
>>
>> 10. Dear Santa,
>> I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE.
>> Timmy
>>
>> Timmy, That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that
>> crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.
>> Santa
>>
>>
>> 11. Dearest Santa,
>> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
>> Love, Marky Mark
>>
>> Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your
>> ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a
>> low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside
>> your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
>> Sweet Dreams!
>> Santa
>>
>
>LOL (x10).
>
>Mercury.
Damn!
Hallelujah....
A satisfied customer.
LOL,
darkshadows
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