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Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Re: Letters to Santa
From: WingedMessenger <Boy@FlyingHigh.com>
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Date: Mon, 22 Oct 2007 05:59:26 GMT
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"::darkshadows::" <bloody@mary.org> wrote in
news:d78oh3l9m9ct16p92ojgvp1tom22ri13d9@4ax.com:
>
> Letters to Santa
>
>
> 1. Dear Santa,
> I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all
> yeer. YeR FReND, BiLLy
>
> Dear Billy,
> Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare
> specialist.
> How 'bout I send you a f****** book so you can learn to read and
> write?
> I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
> Santa
>
>
> 2. Dear Santa,
> I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
> peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
>
> Dear Sarah,
> Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
> Santa
>
>
> 3. Dear Santa,
> I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
> Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
> Love, Joey
>
> Dear Joey,
> Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
> You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
> Santa
>
>
> 4. Dear Santa,
> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
> I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
> Please see what you can do.
> Love, Teddy
>
> Dear Teddy,
> What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
> babysitter?
> He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son!
> Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
> Santa
>
>
> 5. Dear Santa,
> I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon
> cards than me.
> Please see what you can do. Love, Michelle
>
> Dear Michelle,
> It blows my f****** mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy
> hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you
> snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you
> something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
> Santa
>
>
> 6. Dear Santa,
> I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes,
> a dog, a drum kit,a pony and a tuba.
> Love, Francis
>
> Dear Francis,
> Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
> Santa
>
>
> 7. Dear Santa,
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
> your reindeer outside the backdoor.
> Love, Susan
>
> Dear Susan,
> Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face.
> You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some
> Toblerone.
> Santa
>
>
> 8. Dear Santa,
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
> Your friend, Thomas
>
> Dear Thomas,
> All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
> most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my
> cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
> Santa
>
>
> 9. Dear Santa,
> Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
> awake, like in the song?
> Love, Jessica
>
> Dear Jessica,
> You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your
> house...
> Santa
>
>
> 10. Dear Santa,
> I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE.
> Timmy
>
> Timmy, That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that
> crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.
> Santa
>
>
> 11. Dearest Santa,
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
> Love, Marky Mark
>
> Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your
> ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a
> low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside
> your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
> Sweet Dreams!
> Santa
>
LOL (x10).
Mercury.
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