"Doctor, doctor, please help me," said the distressed woman. "I've got a
zit on my face and growing from it is a spreading chestnut tree and a
picnic table and chairs."
"Now don't worry," said the doctor soothingly, "it's only a beauty spot"
"Doctor, doctor, there's something terribly wrong with me. Every part of
my body hurts. If I touch my had it hurts, if I touch my leg it hurts, my
body, my arm - everything I touch hurts."
"Ah, I see the problem," said the doctor, "you've broken your finger."
"Why do you always close your eyes whern you drink your beer?" asked the
curious barman.
"Doctor's orders," replied the man,"he told me never to look at beer
again!"
"Doctor, I am very concerned about my wife," said the distraught husband.
"She's posing in the nude."
"Well, that's nothing to get too concerned about," the doctor replied.
"It's just her expression of freedom."
"Yes, but this was for her passport picture!"
A woman walked into the ladies toilet to find a man standing there.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, "This is just for women".
"So is this," he said, turning round.
Mercury.
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