| 3 Stories |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| darkshadows (not@here.net) |
2007/05/29 22:18 |
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From: darkshadows <not@here.net>
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Subject: 3 Stories
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Date: Wed, 30 May 2007 04:18:55 GMT
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Pad, please!
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage
insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to
follow as
Best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He
came
Back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
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How to win that war
Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train
us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas
masks, moisturizer with SPF 15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and
canned tuna and drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape
of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.
Think about it.
Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff, like grocery
shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men
in turbans tremble.
We have had our children. We would gladly suffer or die to protect
them and their future. We would like to get away from our husbands, if
they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the
prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as
likely as being struck by lightening. We have nothing to lose.
We have survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate
diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and
never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile
terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!
We have spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars,
hardware stores, or sporting events----finding bin Laden in some cave
will be no problem.
Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh,
please.... we have been planning seating arrangements for in-laws and
extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years---we understand
tribal warfare.
Between us, we have divorced enough husbands to know every trick there
is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money
sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize
it.... with or without the government's help.
Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as
we crawl like ants with hot flashes over their godforsaken terrain!!!
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I pulled into a town I couldn't believe still
existed in 1999.
A dusty, dirt road, a little old wooden store that
actually said "General Store", and that was it.
There was a little old man sitting in front of the
store in a rocking chair. I said to him, "What do
you folks do around here?"
He said, "We don't do nothin' but hunt n' fuck."
I said, "What do you hunt?"
He said, "Somethin' to fuck."
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