Irish Religion Jokes
1
Boyle sat in a Belfast confessional. "Bless me, Father, for I have
sinned," he said. "I've blown up three hundred miles of English
railroad!"
"All right, my son," admonished the priest. "For penance, finish off
the stations!"
2
Father Murphy met Casey in the street and Casey admired his new
umbrella.
Father Murphy said, "Thank you, but I'm not sure I got it honestly. It
started to rain the other day, and I stepped into a doorway to wait
until it stopped. Then I saw a young fellow coming along with a nice
large umbrella, and I thought that if he was going as far as my house,
I'd ask him to share it with me. I stepped out from the doorway and
said, 'Where are you going with that umbrella?' And he dropped the
darned thing and ran."
3
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man
he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go
to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when
you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go right now."
4
O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time
he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience
began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.
"Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been
stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the
priest.
"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"
O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."
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