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> for-mail From: "::darkshadows::" <over@there.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
> Subject: The Shit List
> Organization: theshadowlands
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> Wed, 24 Jan 2007 13:59:31 GMT Xref: core-easynews alt.fan.rolex:72946
>
> The Shit List
>
> Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the
> experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit
> definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends
> and family...
>
>
>
> Ghost Shit
>
> You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in
> the bowl.
>
>
>
> Teflon Coated Shit
>
> Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces
> of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure
> you did it!
>
>
>
> Gooey Shit
>
> This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it
> still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your
> underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks
> in the toilet.
>
>
>
> Second Thought Shit
>
> You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you
> realize it.....you've got some more.
>
>
>
> Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
>
> This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until
> you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
>
>
>
> Bali Belly Shit
>
> You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
>
>
>
> Right Now Shit
>
> You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head
> out before you get your pants down.
>
>
>
> King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
>
> This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless
> you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind
> of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
>
>
>
> Wet Cheeks Shit
>
> This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets
> your ass wet.
>
>
>
> Wish Shit
>
> You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
>
>
>
> Cement Block or Oh God Shit
>
> You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
>
>
>
> Snake Shit
>
> This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at
> least three feet long.
>
>
>
> Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
>
> Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How
> do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
>
>
>
> Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
>
> You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
>
>
>
> Beer Drunk Shit
>
> This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit
> doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody
> standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually
> happens at someone else's house.
>
>
>
> The Frightened Turtle
>
> The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back
> in
>
>
>
> The Bungee Shit
>
> The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the
> water.
>
>
>
> The Ring of Fire Shit
>
> The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole
> feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
>
>
>
> The Crippler
>
> The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs
> go numb from the waist down.
>
>
>
> The Big Bobber
>
> The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always
> floats back to the surface.
>
>
>
> The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
>
> The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a
> traffic jam.
>
>
>
> The Incredible Hulk Shit
>
> The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously
> expands to twice it's normal size.
>
>
>
> The Jack the Ripper Shit
>
> The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its
> way out.
>
>
>
> The Party Pooper
>
> The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you
> watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
>
>
>
> The Toxic Gas Shit
>
> The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before
> you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
>
>
>
> Dirty Bowl Shit
>
> The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second,
> reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and
> splatters all over the toilet bowl.
>
>
>
> The Windy City Shit
>
> When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer
> need to take a shit.
>
>
>
> Oh Shit! Shit
>
> You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet
> paper and you say OH SHIT!
>
>
>
> The Never Ending Shit
>
> It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just
> when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more
> shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried
> Chicken.
>
>
>
> Ouch That Hurt Shit
>
> The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a
> bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.
>
Bevo got a day off then?????
Mercury.
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