On Fri, 30 Sep 2005 02:03:04 -0400, "::Y-Not::" <$9+-Y-Not@here.com>
wrote:
>In article <i5bpj1dtee6jcknp9lk6qgfl4tgl3mnlgo@4ax.com>, Lil Stinker
>NP-g07 <anywhere@uwant2.com> wrote:
>
>> Benefits of Being a Female
>>
>>
>> We got off the Titanic first. We don't look like a frog in a blender
>> when dancing. Free drinks. Free dinners. Free moving (you get the
>> point). We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're
>> gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. New
>> lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. If we're not making
>> enough money we can blame the glass ceiling. Nothing crucial can be
>> cut off with one clean sweep. It's possible to live our whole lives
>> without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faus pas we make could
>> rival. The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we
>> forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate
>> without ever touching her fanny. If we have a zit, we know how to
>> conceal it We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our
>> privates are still there. If we're dumb, some people will find itcute.
>> We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. We have the
>> ability to dress ourselves. We have an excuse to be a total witch at
>> least once a month. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware
>> that we look like an idiot. Our friends won't think we're weird if we
>> ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. There are times when
>> chocolate really can solve all your problems. Gay waiters don't make
>> us uncomfortable. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully
>> assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover
>> we've been duped by a Wonderbra. We know which glass was ours by the
>> lipstick mark. We're NOT men.
>>
>>
>> Lil Stinker
>> "just havin' fun!"
>
>
> Women are Dumb Asses
>
>Did you know that women are dumb asses? I mean this literally.
>More accurately, they HAVE dumb asses.
>That's right. Their asses can't tell what they're sitting on. or even
>if they're sitting on anything at all, unless it's cold.
>
>Have you ever seen them sit? They just back up and drop. They never
>check what's on the seat, because even if it's something really bad,
>their butts won't feel it. They must realize this, even if
>subconsciously.
>I've been checking this out for years. Commuting by public
>transportation can be awfully boring.
>
>Those of you who live with a woman probably know this already, but for
>those who don't, I'll tell you how we find what we keep losing.
>If you can't find your car keys, check under the woman! Ten to one,
>she's sitting on them. If you have a remote starter on the keychain,
>you already know this.
>Can't find the TV guide? It's under the woman! Pressed flat, too. On a
>hot day, you can see the picture transfer on her behind. Best not to
>tell her that, though, but you should cover all her usual perches, or
>you could have the TV Guide cover reprinted everywhere.
>Notice the TV changing channels on it's own, but you can't find the
>remote? That's right, it's under the woman, and pointing across the
>room.
>Can't find the dog's chew toy? You'll know where it is, if when the
>woman shifts position, you hear a suspicious squeaking sound. The dog
>is sniffing at her crotch for a legitimate reason, this time.
>You can't find your wallet? Check under the woman. But don't bother to
>look for the money (your measly allowance). Women's butts suck wallets
>dry. You'll know what else is under there, if you see key impressions
>on it, and a TV Guide logo on the wallet.
>
>There is a direct correlation between the number of the things you
>can't find, and the size of the woman's behind. Big butts hide more.
>Then things tend to get stuffed into the cracks.
>In the CUSHIONS! What were you thinking?
>
>Want proof that women never check what they sit on?
>Simple:
>On a cold night, the colder the better, (evil grin), leave the toilet
>seat up. Her surprised scream will give you proof of all my
>contentions, and not to mention, will likely wake up the neighborhood.
>
>Yeah, you'll get your proof about her ass, but you won't get NEAR her
>ass for a week.
>So much for scientific experiments! Got a comfortable sofa?
>
>
>
>Your post here, and the Hell post, reminded me to write down something
>I've been thinking about for for years.
>It's been a while since I posted an independent fun exposition, as I
>used to do in the Fort, so I just now created this one. Think I should
>post it in the Fort? :-)
>
>
>Yours in fun,
>
>
>Y Not
Why Not. :)
Lil Stinker
"just havin' fun!"
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