In article <i5bpj1dtee6jcknp9lk6qgfl4tgl3mnlgo@4ax.com>, Lil Stinker
NP-g07 <anywhere@uwant2.com> wrote:
> Benefits of Being a Female
>
>
> We got off the Titanic first. We don't look like a frog in a blender
> when dancing. Free drinks. Free dinners. Free moving (you get the
> point). We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're
> gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. New
> lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. If we're not making
> enough money we can blame the glass ceiling. Nothing crucial can be
> cut off with one clean sweep. It's possible to live our whole lives
> without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faus pas we make could
> rival. The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we
> forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate
> without ever touching her fanny. If we have a zit, we know how to
> conceal it We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our
> privates are still there. If we're dumb, some people will find itcute.
> We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. We have the
> ability to dress ourselves. We have an excuse to be a total witch at
> least once a month. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware
> that we look like an idiot. Our friends won't think we're weird if we
> ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. There are times when
> chocolate really can solve all your problems. Gay waiters don't make
> us uncomfortable. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully
> assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover
> we've been duped by a Wonderbra. We know which glass was ours by the
> lipstick mark. We're NOT men.
>
>
> Lil Stinker
> "just havin' fun!"
Women are Dumb Asses
Did you know that women are dumb asses? I mean this literally.
More accurately, they HAVE dumb asses.
That's right. Their asses can't tell what they're sitting on. or even
if they're sitting on anything at all, unless it's cold.
Have you ever seen them sit? They just back up and drop. They never
check what's on the seat, because even if it's something really bad,
their butts won't feel it. They must realize this, even if
subconsciously.
I've been checking this out for years. Commuting by public
transportation can be awfully boring.
Those of you who live with a woman probably know this already, but for
those who don't, I'll tell you how we find what we keep losing.
If you can't find your car keys, check under the woman! Ten to one,
she's sitting on them. If you have a remote starter on the keychain,
you already know this.
Can't find the TV guide? It's under the woman! Pressed flat, too. On a
hot day, you can see the picture transfer on her behind. Best not to
tell her that, though, but you should cover all her usual perches, or
you could have the TV Guide cover reprinted everywhere.
Notice the TV changing channels on it's own, but you can't find the
remote? That's right, it's under the woman, and pointing across the
room.
Can't find the dog's chew toy? You'll know where it is, if when the
woman shifts position, you hear a suspicious squeaking sound. The dog
is sniffing at her crotch for a legitimate reason, this time.
You can't find your wallet? Check under the woman. But don't bother to
look for the money (your measly allowance). Women's butts suck wallets
dry. You'll know what else is under there, if you see key impressions
on it, and a TV Guide logo on the wallet.
There is a direct correlation between the number of the things you
can't find, and the size of the woman's behind. Big butts hide more.
Then things tend to get stuffed into the cracks.
In the CUSHIONS! What were you thinking?
Want proof that women never check what they sit on?
Simple:
On a cold night, the colder the better, (evil grin), leave the toilet
seat up. Her surprised scream will give you proof of all my
contentions, and not to mention, will likely wake up the neighborhood.
Yeah, you'll get your proof about her ass, but you won't get NEAR her
ass for a week.
So much for scientific experiments! Got a comfortable sofa?
Your post here, and the Hell post, reminded me to write down something
I've been thinking about for for years.
It's been a while since I posted an independent fun exposition, as I
used to do in the Fort, so I just now created this one. Think I should
post it in the Fort? :-)
Yours in fun,
Y Not
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