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Subject: +*+*+*+ Stephen's Secure Blog #267 "Golf, Anyone?" +*+*+*+
Date: Fri, 20 Dec 2013 19:10:13 -0500
From: " +Grant. " <+Grant@grant.grant>
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Stephen's Secure Blog #267
These stories about Stephen began was when he was 10 years old, and
moving to a new part of the country to attend a special school for
gifted students, in the 1950's. This was from a time before computers
would fit on a desk, and when people communicated with friends in other
countries by actual letters sent through the postal service. He wrote
225 of them to a friend. He stopped writing to his penpal, but found he
still wanted to record his life, in case he lost his memory again, and
wrote 30 entries in his first logbook. Then he wrote to an artificial
intelligence called Geenee, in the master computer in his school for
gifted students, which he started attending in 2016. Now it's after
2018, and he's continuing to save his memories in a secure blog.
All characters are fictitious, even if some of them might have names
that belong to some actual people, or act like people we know.
The stories may not be posted in chronological order.
Stephen is 17 in this story, in spring of year 7 of his special school.
Stephen's Secure Blog #267 "Golf, Anyone?"
START Page
A Priest, a Rabbi, an Imam and a Buddhist Lama in blue, walked onto a
golf course in Georgia. That's no joke, even though it felt like it. We
spoke in public before the game. The announcer said first, our names
and religions, and said that we were playing for our favorite
charities. We each announced what they were. Then we were questioned.
The others all were good golfers. I was the last to face the reporters.
I was asked, "And how long have you been playing golf?" I said "I'll
let you know after we finish playing." He said "I mean, before this." I
said "I have never played golf in all my lives." He looked surprised,
and said, "Then how can you play it?" I said "I don't know. We will
just have to see what happens. Just hitting that little ball, well is
it alright if I motivate myself by imagining the face of my of my
manager and agent, on the ball as a target?" They laughed. I said
"Well, this was all his idea. He said it would be fun. I don't see it.
You whack the ball away from you, then you have to go get it. Then you
whack it away from you AGAIN. And again. And if that isn't difficult
enough, you knock it into sand traps and water hazards, and then try to
get it into a little cup, with some flying creatures called birdies and
eagles. People actually PAY to do this." There was some shocked
laughter. I pointed to the almost hysterical Chad, and said, "That's
HIM! He got me into this!" Some laughter. The announcer said, "You
never played the game? How can you think you can win?" I said "It's for
charity. It doesn't matter which one of us wins. Whatever happens, one
of the charities wins. That's all I care about. If people like to watch
these things, then I'm happy to help them do that." He said "Wow!" I
said "I've heard that before." Some laughter.
At the first tee, the others shot first, and had good lays, so they
said. Then I went up to the ball. I said to the Imam, "I'm supposed to
address the ball? There isn't much space to write on it." He cracked
up. So did the crowd. I said "How can we aim the ball for the cup, when
we can't even see it from here?" He said "Have you studied the course?"
I said "I've looked at the maps and diagrams, of er, course." More
laughter. He said "Then you should aim for where you want the ball to
go, so it lands where you will have a clear shot at the green." I said
"Where the cup is? I ask, because there is a LOT of green around here."
He said "That's what they call the smooth grassy area around the cup."
I said, "Thank you. Not very imaginative, are they. Well, it's a good
thing they don't call it a blue, or I would be in severe danger." They
laughed. The caddy handed me a club. I held the handle in one hand, and
swung it hard at the ball, and the club went flying out of my hand, and
disappeared into the distance. Then the obviously shocked announcer,
said, "I don't believe it! He made a whole in one, with his CLUB!" The
Priest said, "Oh my God!" I said to him, "Oh, is it alright for me to
blame your God for that, too?" He laughed almost hysterically, and then
said, "I don't think He would want that blame." He laughed some more.
I said, "Do I get another chance to whack the poor ball?" They said I
did, and the caddy handed me another club. The Priest said, "You might
want to hold the club in two hands, like this." I said "Thank you, I
will. I think I should't try so hard, too." I whacked the ball, and it
went up very high in the air, all the way to the green, and bounced off
of it and into the ruff, which was announced. The Rabbi said, "I've
never seen a ball fly that high before." I said "I don't know, but it
might have been trying to get away from me." They cracked up, and so
did the crowd. We all walked down the fairway, to where the first ball
was, and the Rabbi hit it closer to the green. Then the Priest, and
then the Imam. When we were near my shot, I went to where the ball was
in the rough, and yelled out, "Can I cut the grass? My ball can't see
where it's supposed to go." There was some laughter, and I was told I
couldn't do that. I said "Ah, that flagpole in the hole. How can the
ball fit in there with that in it?" Somebody ran out to pull it out. I
said "Ha! A moving target!" Some laughter, and he ran faster, causing
more laughter. The caddy handed me a club. I said "This is different
from the last one. Why can't I use the one I used before?" He obviously
didn't know what to say. I said "Please give me that one." He did. I
hit the ball up, and right into the cup. The announcer said, "That's
amazing! He hit it right into the cup with an eight iron!" I yelled out
to him, "It's made of steel, not iron. Oh, and why is it amazing? Isn't
that where the poor abused ball is supposed to go?" He laughed, and
said "Er, yes. You can take it out now." I said "It sure doesn't get
much rest in there." More laughter. The other golfers took a lot more
shots, before they were finished with the first hole.
On the way to the next hole, the Imam said to me, "Still, that is
amazing for somebody who has never played golf." I said "Well, I'm
highly trained in athletics, and I'm in instant calculator. Golf is one
of the few sports I've never tried, and I've played some sports which
would not be allowed in modern times, in my past lives." He asked, with
interest, "Such as?" I said "Such as a kind of polo, using the severed
heads of our enemies." He said "Right. That would not be allowed." I
said "Right. Hard to find enemy volunteers." They laughed. The Rabbi
said, "With your humor, you must have some Jewish blood in you." I said
to him, "I assure you, even gentile blood is not one of my usual
beverages." They laughed very hard at that. I said "In my last
incarnation, my wife was Jewish." He said "You believe in
reincarnation?" I said "I don't have a choice. I remember mine, going
back 74,000 years, with total recall. I deliberately reincarnated into
who I wanted to, the last two times. I've been a lot of people, in a
lot of religions." The Priest said to the others, "The Vatican has a
file on him. We believe some Saints speak through him. Buddhists
believe he actually was those Saints, and is one now. In any case, he
has given us information about them that only we knew, and some we only
discovered after more research." He smiled and said, "He has a good
reputation with us, and it is known that he never lies." I bowed to
him, which he returned.
At the tee for the next hole, we were getting ready, when somebody in
the crowd pulled a gun, and shot at the Imam. I flashed into position
in front of him, and caught the bullet. I said to the gunman, "HOLD
RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!" He froze because of my command, and because of my
4th hands. I walked up to him, and the crowd ran away from us. I took
his gun. I told the man in my command voice, "You will never lie. You
will answer all my questions, and from anybody in the law enforcement
and judicial systems!" In my regular voice, I said "Who were you trying
to shoot?" He said "That Islam terrorist." I said "Terrorist? Did you
think he had explosive balls?" He said "No, but he's a terrorist." I
said "Do you know of any specific illegal activity he has been engaged
in, which supports terrorism?" He said "No, but he's a terrorist. All
those bastards are!" I said "Are you aware that Islamic terrorists kill
more Islamic people, than they do those of other faiths?" He looked
surprised. I said "Yes, it's true. It's all over the news, which you
would know, if you had paid attention. Are you a Christian?" He said
proudly, "Yes I am!" I said "No you are not! Would Jesus have approved
of you murdering another person, especially one who has committed no
crime?" He looked indecisive. I said "You know he would NOT. If you do
not follow Jesus and what he taught, then you are not a Christian. If
you do not obey the Ten Commandments, then you are not a Jew, and
doubly not a Christian. Nor are you a Muslim or a Buddhist. You belong
to no religion, and none should claim you as are you are now. If you
want to know God, through any faith, make yourself worthy of Him, and
he will come to you." The police had arrived. I gave them the gun, and
to their complete surprise, the bullet, and told them the short version
of what had happened. I said I would make a full statement later, if
needed. My Ki was flowing with its full force, and they agreed with my
wishes, and escorted the prisoner away.
I went back to the others, who were standing there with their mouths
hanging open, and said to them, "That man was REALLY teed off." They
almost choked to death, trying not to laugh. Soon, we were allowed to
resume play. They didn't do as well as they had before. I commented,
"Obviously not explosive balls." They laughed. I looked at all the
irons and woods, and said, "So they have different angles. I'll use
that one. Hey you three. A bet, if I get a hole in one, you each have
to tell a joke before the next hole." The Priest said, "What if you
lose the bet?" I said "You get to laugh at me before I tell a joke."
They laughed, and I said, "Hey, I haven't lost yet." They laughed some
more. I just shook my head in sadness, and they laughed again. Well, I
did it. Two bounces, and it went in the hole next to the flag. The
announcer said, "A whole in one! Amazing!" I yelled out to him, "What's
so amazing about what we are supposed to be doing?" He said, patiently,
"It's supposed to be so difficult, it's next to impossible." I said
"You make the game too difficult to play, and then you make people play
coming to." The Imam said to me, "The game is the journey, more than
the goal." I grinned, and bowed to him. The others were looking
thoughtful, all the way to the next shot.
While walking to the next tee, I said "I'm waiting for the jokes you
owe me." The Imam said "A Priest, and Rabbi, and a Buddhist Lama, were
walking down the street. Two of them walked into a bar, the other one
ducked under it." The Rabbi laughed. I said "Good one!" The Priest
said, "The bar, was an Imam holding It?" The Imam grinned, and said,
"Weak, but I'll accept it." I turned to the Rabbi, and he said:
"A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach at Ft. Myers Florida .
She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his
blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she
attempted to strike up a conversation with him. 'Hello, sir, how are
you today?
'Fine, thank you,' he responded, and turned back to his book.
'I love the beach. Do you come here often?' she asked.
'First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,' he replied and
turned back to his book.
'I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is
very lonely' she countered. 'Do you live around here?' she asked.
'Yes, I live over in Cape Coral,' he answered, and again resumed
reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, 'Do you like
pussy cats?'
With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and onto
her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her
life!
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man,
'How did you know that was what I wanted?'
The man replied, 'How did you know my name was Katz?"
We laughed loudly. The Priest, when he could, said, "I hope they
didn't hear that." I said "Right, or they'll all be going to Ft.
Myers." They laughed. At the next tee, I deliberately sent the ball
into a water hazard. The announcer said, "The player must choose to
accept a penalty of one stroke, or play it where it lies." I said "I'll
play it where it lies." He said "But it's under the water!" I said
"That's what it gets for lying." Some laughter. I said "Don't worry,
that's my problem. Anyway, you're too far away to get splashed." Some
laughter. Chad said in contact, +No, you wouldn't!+ I said +I already
caught a bullet on camera. The cat's out of the golf bag, so, watch me.
Moses reprise, here we come!+ He laughed. The Rabbi was looking at me
with some speculation. In a way the others couldn't see, I winked at
him. He looked surprised, and then nodded acceptance, and then said,
"That is going to be very interesting. Tell me, have you written about
some of your past lives?" I said "I have, and have published some under
my name, and some under pen names. Some were labeled fiction. Some will
not be published, where they could cause some problems. History, as we
know it, isn't always entirely accurate."
He said "Is the Torah accurate?" I said "Considering that much of it
was passed down through word of mouth, before it was first written, and
was from the limited understanding of prescientific people, what I know
of it, compared to my own experiences, is surprisingly accurate, even
in areas where modern readers might not accept that. However, there are
many semantic and idiomatic misunderstandings, and some deliberate
mistranslations and omissions, and some careless lack of accuracy and
deliberate er, constructions." The Imam said "Does Allah exist?" I said
"Buddhism is basically a philosophy of personal self improvement, and
uses some odd, to Western science, scientific principles to train and
operate some unusual talents, to which some have added the trappings of
a religion, out of the basic need to have something to pray to. I am a
scientist. As such, my opinion on that is based on my knowledge of this
science, my observations and explorations, and credible reports of
others who have done the same. In basic concept, God does exist, and
does influence our lives. Which at times, can be very annoying." The
Rabbi said "Don't we know it!" We all laughed.
When we got to the water hazard. I walked around it and studied it.
The Rabbi followed me closely. We were both amused by that, and shared
it. I got between the ball and the cup on the green, and pointed to the
green with one arm, and stretched out the other arm, with a wedge in
it, over the water to the where the ball was, and while looking at the
cup, I said "This is the line, so the ball lies in that direction," and
turned to my head to the water, to see it was parting, and exposing the
floor of the pond, and the ball on it. I said, brightly, "And there it
is!" I went down into the pond, my feet making disgusting squelching
noises in the mud, and approached the ball. I gave it a good whack with
the club, splashing mud all over me and everywhere else, and up and out
of the hazard the ball went, and bounced and rolled into the cup. I
walked up out of the pond, and looked down at me, and waved my arm, and
I was all clean. I turned to look at the pond, and nodded, and the
water filled in the space from where it had parted. There was stunned
silence from those who had seen some of that, and curious murmuring
from those who wondered at that, who hadn't seen it. I called out, "Ah,
Mister Announcer, shouldn't you be telling the people the score, and
telling them we are going on to the next hole?" He did that, stuttering
a little. The Rabbi was grinning his face almost in half. I wiggled my
eyebrows at him, and he laughed. I said "So, let's go whack some more
innocent balls." The other two laughed, too, and we went to do that.
END Page
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Grant
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