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From: Doc NP-f31
Newsgroups: alt.fan.prettyboy
Subject: Re: r u guys sure someone couldn't just shoot me?
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 2011 21:09:13 -0500
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On Thu, 27 Jan 2011 17:50:05 -0500, 4s00th <4s00th@hushmail.com>
wrote:
>My body hurts, I'm finding it hard to care about anything ... except
>that I don't like pain. Pleasures just don't seem to be pleasurable
>anymore, and hey, I had the first real suicidal vision/impulse in
>quite a while. For those of you who don't understand that depression
>hurts like a mutha -- take notice.
>
>Bob Ryan just called the dude who called in that he saw Tim F. move
>his golf ball MINUTELY when he removed a marker a supercilious twit. I
>wouldn't have been so nice. And I don't even give a shit about pro
>golf.
>
>At least if I were a manic depressive I could look forward to periods
>of mania with tons of energy and feelings of bliss. Admittedly, the
>depressive episodes tend to dominate 10 to 1, but at least there would
>be that.
>
>And I guess I must be getting down to my last bit to be touting my
>pain here -- you never ask for help until you're near the bottom -- at
>least, that's been my experience.
>
>Do any of you have any idea how much I hate wanting to die? Not
>killing myself -- I got scared straight on that one when I found out
>what I might have done to someone who actually gave a damn, but just
>wanting to fucking lie down and die.
>
>I do wonder if the troll realizes that I have finally downloaded Kidz
>Bop 19 and just not cared enough to post it? Or if he realizes how
>much I think those things are like cockroaches that just keep
>spreading? I mean, really, let the damn kids sing the songs! Well,
>find some kids who can sing -- we know that they're out there! Can you
>imagine what Libera could do with a franchise like this? Let Josh and
>Mini-Ben have a chance at Bad Day -- Maybe 'Kob could take a verse, or
>even my little dynamo Kavanna! I tell you guys, if little Kavanna had
>been the big bad wolf, that house of bricks would have fallen! I
>swear, I've never seen anyone put so much of themselves into singing!
>Such incredible JOY!
>
>Hmm, I realize that I was thinking the same thing about little Nakita,
>how easily he smiles and how much personality he radiates -- and then
>I was thinking about how 'Kob has such an angelic beatific smile that
>you can practically see the halo! Kind of makes me wonder about
>certain unnamed older brothers! <miss u, doc!>
>
>Thank God I have my little Whodat to keep me going. He's been such a
>sweet dog -- not quite as little as I had intended, I think his beagle
>stock is fortified with some other hound genes! Personally, I think
>he's got a little coon hound in him, but what do I know? I ask him,
>"Are you my boy?" and he licks my face. He knows well who feeds him!
>
>Anyway. I think I've worn myself out. I hope you guys are all doing a
>lot better than I. And I pity any of you who feel worse.
>
>Love,
>-- 4s00th@hushmail.com
>
>My email is always available for those looking for and willing to supply support in the effort to remain boy-lovers and not become child-molesters de jure if not de facto.
Hey 4s00th,
I've always found that when I am feeling particularly beat down, if I
concentrate on helping someone else get through their rough spot, my
mind can focus on positivity. At the very least you must get up and
out and around despite the pain (the inside pain and the outside
pain).
I realize I owe you an e-mail and that will be forthcoming shortly.
You referenced Kob's brother, and you'll remember me telling you what
happened with him. Well, I'm helping two of them now, I'll fill you in
later, but rebuilding psyches take a lot of love and effort. I wish to
report some success though, and I will.
Anyway, I hope a hug and good wishes helps out a little.
Much love,
Doc
NP-f31
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