How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on
his forehead.
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Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz?
Start with two million.
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How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
1 None. Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.
2 "Don't worry about the changes. We'll fake it!"
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How do you turn a duck into a soul artist?
Put it in the oven until its (it's) Bill Withers.
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Micheal Caine goes up to Milton Berle during a party and asks, "What
kind of cigar are you smoking there?"
"It's a Lawrence Welk." says Milton.
"What's a Lawrence Welk?" Micheal asks.
Milton says "It's a piece of crap with a band wrapped around it."
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Angus was asked why there were drones on the bagpipe when they make
such a distressing sound. He answered, "Without the drones, I might as
well be playing the piano."
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Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the
Grim Reaper in the back seat. Death informs them that they had an
accident and they both died. But, before he must take them off into
eternity, he grants each musician with one last request to remind them
of their past life on earth. The first musician says he was a Country
& Western musician and would like to hear eight choruses of
Achy-Breaky Heart as a last hoorah! The second musician says "I was a
jazz musician...kill me now!"
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I was playing in a night club, and getting few requests and small
tips. Towards the end of the night, a man walked up with a wad of
bills in his hand and asked me to play a jazz chord. I played an
Amaj7.
He said, "No, no. A jazz chord."
I did a little improvisational thing, but he didn't like that either.
"No, no, no! A jazz chord. You know, 'A jazz chord, to say, ah love
you.'"
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Son: Mother, I want to grow up and be a rock-n-roll musician.
Mother: Now son, you have to pick one or the other. You can't do both.
=====
A Jazz musician was told by his doctor, "I am very sorry to tell you
that you have cancer and you have only one more year to live."
The Jazz musician replied, "And what am I going to live on for an
entire year?"
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