A community orchestra was plagued by attendance problems. Several
musicians were absent at each rehearsal. As a matter of fact, every
player in the orchestra had missed several rehearsals, except for one
very faithful oboe player. Finally, as the dress rehearsal drew to a
close, the conductor took a moment to thank the oboist for her
faithful attendance. She, of course, humbly responded "It's the least
I could do, since I won't be at the performance."
=====
Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a
Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't
sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my
will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"
The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it
big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my
own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."
"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"
The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast
look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."
"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"
=====
St. Peter's still checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on
Earth?"
The man says, "I was a doctor."
St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What
did you do on Earth?"
"I was a school teacher."
"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on
Earth?"
"I was a musician."
"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen..."
=====
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a
bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a
mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."
A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"
The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and
prescribes a powerful laxative.
Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"
The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information
about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a
living?"
"I'm a musician."
The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get
something to eat!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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