Scene in a 7th-heaven episode
Written by Eric Matteson on Monday, September 18,2006
Starship Enterprise Captian Kirk and Dr. Leonard McCoy
and Reverend Eric Camden are in
the staff briefing room. Dr. McCoy is holding a big notebook that
he had gotten from Dr. Flox
MCOY
Dr. Flox has provided a report on scanning results
from California communnity college restrooms.
There are new strains of terrible bacteria that
not only resist antibiotics but also resist
the strongest cleaning chemicals that are available to janitors.
Dr. Flox did verify that those mens restrooms with
at least two sit down toilets called commodes
are safe for men with normal immune systems
because human immune systems still kill those
strains of bacteria whenever their density is
below overload threshold
CAMDEN
Sometimes janitors start early before night classes finish
and lock up most or all of the mens restrooms.
KIRK
what if a janitor says to use a bathroom with only one toilet?
MCCOY
Vomiting and death. When the janitors direct all men to
only one toilet germs are concentrated in that one toilet
instead of being spread out among several toilets.
It is like swimming in the ocean when the beach closed
sign says that there are too many bacteria per cubic
micrometer of water.
KIRK
Dr. Flox has asked Californias 109 communnity colleges to
keep restrooms open with at least two sit down toilets.
What is YOUR prescription??
MCCOY
Even though two sitdown toilets divide the germ density
enough for those men with normal immune systems some men
who are enrolled in evening classes at communnity colleges
6:45 to 10:00 P.M. have very weak immune systems. I, Dr.
Leonard McCoy do herby upgrade the prescription to keep
communnity college restrooms including mens rooms with
at least four sit down toilets called commodes unlocked
at least until 10:30 P.M. Monday through Thursday nights.
CAMDEN
At GlenOak Communnity College the three mens restrooms
that need to be unlocked until 10:30 P.M. are B-7 and B-2
and A-3. If a janitor wants to lock B-7 early he or she
should FIRST UNLOCK the mens room in B-2 or A-3
and put up a sign that says which large mens room is
UNLOCKED instead of just a closed for cleaning sign on B-7.
MCCOY
What if a communnity college complains that their biology
department is unable to confirm Starfleet doctors scanner
results about numbers of germs per toilet with extremely
primitive equipment even more primitive than stone knives
and bear skins ?
KIRK
This is captain James T. Kirk of the starship enterprise.
I beleive that it is extremely unfair for Hollywood Scriptwriters
and men who are taking classes at community colleges who
resemble Hollywood scriptwriters to have to wait in line to use
the toilet at night.
I fully support Dr. Leonard McCoys MEDICAL ORDER to keep
communnity college restrooms including large mens rooms unlocked
at least until 10:30 P.M. Monday through Thursday nights
6:45 to 10:00 P.M. is the most common time of most required
communnity college classes
---------------------------------
This scene is written by Hollywood Scriptwriter Eric Matteson
--------
back to top --------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ericmatteson2003november@hotmail.com wrote:
> -------- Episode 7th-Heaven ---------------------
> August 21,2006
> Written by Hollywood scriptwriter Eric Matteson
> Scene 1
> Simon Camden is trying to prepare for fall
> semester at Glenoak Communnity College ( gcc )
> He takes his father Eric Camden with him
> to the gcc bookstore.
> There is no textbook for the Monday night
> networking class. The list says to
> see instructor $0.00
> There are no textbooks for college level
> physics. The High School make up physics
> lab manuals are at the shelf tag for
> college level physics in addition to their
> own shelf tag.
> The web pagemaker software book
> for Wendesday night is also missing.
> Then Simon and his father leave the bookstore
> empty handed.
> (scene 2)
> Simon goes to the school library
> at gcc to e-mail
> NetWhale company about some Cds for the
> Tuesday night computer networking class.
> Simon wants to get some standalone Cds
> for the class and he wants to find out the
> price in an e-mail.
> Simon does not want to use the cheaper Internet
> requiring version because a teacher he knows
> tried them and the sound card puts out
> static instead of the voice that would
> have been on the standalone version of the
> NetWhale educational CDs.
> Even a small web cam crashes the Internet
> using cheap versions of NetWhale Cds.
> (Scene 3)
> Near the CE building Simon sees Dr. Flox come out of
> the downstairs mens room. He is holding a
> Starfleet medical tricorder.
> Dr. FLOX.
> The downstairs mens room with only one
> sit down toilet has
> too many germs per square milimeter!
> The upstairs mens room with two sit
> down toilets is safe because the
> germ density is below the
> overload threshold. Please use
> the upstairs mens room because it is
> the safest. Always choose a restroom that has
> at least two sit down toilets.
> SIMON
> Sometimes the janitors show up early and lock
> all the large mens rooms before class gets out.
> Dr. FLOX
> In the good old days classes finished at 10:00
> P.M. and the jainitors did not show up or
> lock anything until 11:00 P.M. back when I
> attended communnity college.
> SIMON
> After September 11th, 2001 the beuaracracy
> decided to punish all students because they
> believe that students crashed the planes into
> the World Trade Center. They changed the
> Janitors schedule to start them early before
> classes get out.
> Sometimes the janitors lock all the
> big mens rooms and I get diareah after
> using the smaller ones that have only
> one sit down toilet.
> Dr. FLOX
> Then I as starfleet doctor hereby prescribe
> installing a second sit down toilet
> in every mens room at every communnity
> college that has only one sit down toilet.
> We can start by reccommending adding a second
> sit down toilet in the downstairs mens room
> in the gcc CE building. I know there is enough room
> because the mens room above it already has two
> sit down toilets ( commodes ) and it is the
> same sized room.
> SIMON
> I hope that you can get your second
> sit down toilet prescription through the
> beauracracy.
> ----------------------------
> (Scene 3)
> Back at the school library several days
> later Simon checks his e-mail.
> The Monday night professor claimed that she had
> ordered books for the bookstore.
> The other Tuesday night professor finally
> admitted he had mistakenly e-mailed
> the wrong price list.
> The Internet using cheap Cds with
> the static instead of voice for sound have gone
> up in price so it seemed like they were the
> prices for the good Cds.
> Simon had also e-mailed NetWhale earlier
> about the price for the good NetWhale Cds
> for the Tuesday night networking
> class at gcc that do not require
> Internet access but NetWhale
> had failed to reply.
> Then Simon leaves the library.
> (Scene 4)
> Simon sits down on the bench outside
> the library with his head in his hands
> like he is getting ready to cry.
> Captain Johnathan Archer comes and asks Simon
> what is wrong.
> SIMON
> I am not able to find any textbooks
> or educational Cds for Fall Semester
> 2006.
> Both professors are supposed to be here in
> the summer to answer e-mail
> and order textbooks but they are
> not getting the textbooks.
> Their e-mail replys imply they do not even care.
> Even NetWhale has failed to respond to e-mail.
> Last semester NetWhale responded quickly because
> they still wanted to make some money
> last semester.
> Then Captain archer puts some data in his
> laptop computer.
> CAPTAIN ARCHER
> Archer to enterprise. I am emailing up the
> names of a couple of professors and
> the name of a company. A student has reported
> that even though both professors
> are supposed to be working full time
> summer session that no textbooks
> or educational CDs are available for fall
> 2006 semester.
> Then Simon and Captain Jonathan Archer
> walk around the CE building. Dr. Flox is
> re reading his tricorder outside the mens
> room. Then on CE101 there is sign saying that
> the computer lab is closed until
> September 5th 2006.
> The students who had online summer session
> computer networking classes were unable to
> use it.
> Tupol shows up. They walk arround the building
> counterclockwise
> from the uphill side to the downhill side of the
> CE building.
> Then there is the garden
> with many small parks on the downhill side.
> Sandy is there with her baby. Tupol shows
> the adoption paperwork and then Sandy turns her
> baby over to Tupol. Tupol has adopted Sandys baby
> because Sandy is unable to afford to keep her
> baby and the babys father Martin had contacted
> the Starfleet adoption anti-abortion hotline.
> Then Screech shows up.
> SCREECH
> See this garden here at Glenoak Community College ??
> It looks just like the garden where Sandy had met
> Rose and Lucy at Northern California School
> of the Arts on an earlier episode to discuss
> Sandys baby.
> Even those stairwells over there with the
> numerous metal bars are familiar.
> ARCHER
> The other scriptwriter on that
> other episode had incorrectly
> reported this location as being in Northern
> California.
> The scriptwriter in charge of this episode
> knows that this garden on the downhill
> side of the CE building with its many small parks
> is in Southern
> California and is at Glenoak Communnity
> College ( gcc ) and not Northern California
> school of the arts.
> Glenoak Communnity College is downhill
> from some oil wells.
> Then Lucy shows up.
> Then Captian Johnathan Archer rechecks his laptop
> computer. A new e-mail is from Enterprise.
> ARCHER
> Simon those two professors teach ONLINE classes
> during summer session and they do not
> have time to order textbooks or get the
> right price sheets for NetWhale CDs because
> both the Monday night and Tuesday night professors
> have jury duty and they only process their online
> classes on weekends when the court is closed and
> they are both too busy to order textbooks or get
> pricing information for high quality educational
> CDs and are unable to prepare for fall 2006
> semester at gcc because of being drafted into
> jury duty all summer.
> Captians Jean Luke Picard and William Riker
> have reccommended that U.S. voters on the ground
> require their legislators and congrespeople who want
> re-elected to convert every court in the United
> States to use only voluntary jurrors in the
> future.
> We should all vote against every incumbent
> politician in every office on the ballot
> untill people are no longer drafted into
> jury duty.
> SIMON
> How come NetWhale did not answer their e-mails ??
> ARCHER
> All NetWhale employees are busy serving on juries
> at another court. After One Day plus one trial busineses
> can no longer get their employees excused from jury
> duty. Sometimes entire companies are temporarily or
> permanently closed by mandatory jury duty.
> ------------------------------------------------
> Then Simon leaves GlenOak Communnity college
> and returns home without any textbooks.
> Fall semester starts and Simon is still home.
> His father Eric asks how come he is not at school.
> SIMON
> There are still no textbooks at the gcc bookstore.
> Captain Johnathan Archer says that several
> professors could not order textbooks for fall
> semester during the summer because they have
> jury duty on time consuming court cases.
> ERIC CAMDEN
> What about NetWhale ?? Did you order the CDs ??
> SIMON
> I could not get the price of the Cds that actually
> work by e-mail from NetWhale.
> Captain Jonathan Archer said that all NetWhale
> employees are away on jury duty and unable to
> check their e-mail.
> I wish I could attend school Fall 2006 semester
> but I am unable to because there are no
> textbooks or educational CDs available.
> --------------------------------------------------
> Martin brings in the newspaper. On the front page
> it shows jurors waiting to enter court in the
> morning. They have juror written on badges on
> their shirts.
> Simon then recognizes both the Monday night and
> Tuesday night professors in the photo.
> Then Martin recognizes the two lawyers
> who are waiting to enter court in the photo.
> They are attorneys David Ross and Mr. Cooper.
> MARTIN
> Those two lawyers there are trouble. They refuse
> to settle civil cases and they ask every criminal
> defendent to go to trial even if it is blatantly
> obvious that they are certainly guilty and they even claim
> that the three strikes law prohibits plea bargains in
> criminal cases.
> Every case that goes to trial has twelve jurors.
> On August 21,2006 It was reported that every state
> still forcibly drafts people into jury duty.
> ..............
> Martin then calls his friend AC Slater and tells him
> about the picture in the paper.
> AC reports that on Sunday August 20 David Ross had been rejected
> by a landlord because he is a lawyer on Television.
> AC slater had later interviewed that landlord.
> the landlord had stated
> I do not rent to lawyers because to me lawyers represent
> juror summonses. I keep repeatedly getting jury summonses
> in the mailbox and it is a big waste of my very valuble
> time to serve on a jury on a trivial civil case that
> has no merit or a criminal case that will undoubtably go one
> way or the other and the lawyers are pressuring people to
> sue companies over the tinyest of mistakes. Every time
> a frivolous civil case goes to trial TWELVE PEOPLE have
> to waste time serving on juries.
> IF ATTORNEYS WANT INDOOR PLACES TO LIVE THEY SHOULD
> LOBBY CONGRESS TO PASS AN ALL VOLUNTEER JURY SYSTEM
> IN EVERY COURT.
> I do not want to continue to be forced to serve on
> juries.
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> Then Mrs Annie Camden comes home.
> ANNIE
> Simon I have heard you are not in school.
> SIMON
> I could not find the textbooks and educational CDs for
> even one course because several teachers were on jury
> duty instead of preparing for fall semester.
> ANNIE
> I am grounding the entire family because Simon
> is not in school and that makes
> me very angry. Lucy you should have requested
> converting to an all volunteer jury system when
> you were complaining on TV about missing classes to
> attend juror selection. Even though your husband Kevin thinks it
> is important for people to serve he could have put it
> in the context of it being important for people to
> volunteer for jury duty instead of just not asking
> to be excused.
> RUTHIE
> Thats not fair! Simon stays home from school
> and now you ground everybody else ??
> ANNIE
> Ruthie we paid a lot of money for you to attend
> private elementary school. Certainly after wasting
> all that money you should have been smart enough to
> figure out the need for voluntary jury duty and written
> at least one letter to a congressperson.
> RUTHIE
> But I want to go out on a date tonight with Luke!!
> ANNIE
> You may go out on a date after ONE state passes an
> all volunteer jury system. As soon as the FIRST STATE
> passes an all volunteer jury system you may go out on
> dates and this grounding will end.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Eric Matteson
> ericmatteson2003november@hotmail.com
|
|