010318F
-----------
Never knowing
where I really lost you,
and whether it was on generic terms,
or on the specifics
of something one of us said.
Obstacles and impediments
are a common specialty,
that most seem to practice.
Did we ever really meet?
Which fantasy
was that a part of ?
Was it yours, or mine?
And how did we split it up
into separate roles,
as to all of those expectations
being divided up fairly?
That sort of thing ends,
before it begins,
leaving inspection fees
to be paid in full,
after the sordid facts.
It is all in the specifications,
as to how someone expects it
to be built up.
I would surely exhaust my potential,
long before the hole was dug,
and any foundation established.
It was only a dinner invitation,
to hedge around subjects
one ought to meticulously avoid,
as to polite, mixed, company
in any stress testing of manners.
Pass the illusions, please,
and could I have some seasoning
to go with the quantum collapse
of all probability.
We feel obligated
to going through the motions
of a vague resemblance
to some sort of normalcy.
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010318G
------------
I wanted to do it myself,
as to making dreams come true,
but they cancelled my subscription
to that species of magic.
Enough to make me hate
being held so dependent
on someone else weaving a spell,
around my bewilderment.
Never wanted to be taken prisoner,
by any one of those enemies,
that make me want to escape
as quickly as I possibly can.
Too much time having elapsed,
in which nothing happens,
except for being kept waiting
for miracles that never arrive.
The rumours of immanence
remaining the only universal constant,
as to how everything is contrived,
into dysfunctional matrices.
That damage is incalculable,
and I can make no claims,
as to the slightest hope
concerning any recovery.
--------------------------------
010318H
-----------
Emulating a clay pigeon,
that exists to be shot down
prior to any planned destination.
That is what they do
to whatever passes as optimism,
getting flung around.
No explanations being provided,
about how it gets broken down,
into less than recognizable pieces.
You only seem to get the answers
that you can afford to pay for,
which leaves nothing much to know.
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010318I
----------
It is easy to bomb out,
that sort of landscape,
flattening all possibilities
down to brass tacks.
Endless marching orders,
meant to be ignored,
as you keep digging in,
trying to hold some ground.
The urban atmosphere
so up tight
you can slice it with a knife
trying to cut through to something.
All that you really wanted
was to settle with someone
without ending up at war,
with a new opponent.
You let loose your imagination
to hunt for vague ideas
as to what she might be like,
and how it comes together.
A scenario blown away,
as quickly as it entered
onto that ruined scene
where no one auditioned to play.
The show closed down,
going dark,
before opening night,
and there were no refunds.
--------------------------------
010318J
----------
A mind is made up,
of various fabrications
that we tend to cherish,
and hold onto.
Same as everything else
that we treasure,
being compounded
into something special.
Trying to entangle ourselves
in trivially pleasant ways,
to muddle through
all the bad things that happen.
Meaning to carefully choose
what types of pain
we trade and barter,
in making arrangements.
Flagellated with love,
and overcome by desire,
we want to fall into something
that feels like it is freedom.
Before reaching an ending,
and being forced to surrender,
wondering about most of it,
as to what it might have been like.
Our illusions stacked up,
as if playing cards to be traded,
for something else,
other than the current going rate.
Nothing lasts forever,
and that makes us struggle harder
for what it always seems to us
that we cannot ever have.
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