| Re: Creation Duel |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (bat@cave.org) |
2009/04/01 02:31 |
On Wed, 01 Apr 2009 03:06:53 GMT, Ghost <deadly@night.shade> wrote:
>On Mar 20, 2009, darkshadows:: wrote:
>
>>
>>
>> Creation Duel
>>
>> In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the
>> Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of
>> the deep. And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
>> And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light. And God
>> said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and
>> the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good. And the
>> Devil said, "There goes the neighborhood."
>> And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness,
>> and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl
>> of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every
>> creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man
>> in his own image; male and female did He create.
>> And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and
>> fit.
>> And the Devil said, "I know how I can get back in this game."
>> And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
>> spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman
>> would live long and healthy lives.
>> And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the
>> 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man: "You want
>> fries with that?" And Man said: "Supersize them." And Man gained 5
>> pounds.
>> And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her
>> figure that man found so fair. And the Devil brought forth chocolate.
>> And Woman gained 5 pounds.
>> And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
>> And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10
>> pounds.
>> And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive
>> oil with which to cook them."
>> And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed
>> its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went
>> through the roof.
>> And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those
>> extra pounds.
>> And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man
>> would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And
>> Man gained another 20 pounds.
>> And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."
>> And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat
>> and brimming with nutrition.
>> And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
>> center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour
>> cream dip.
>> And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips
>> swaddled in cholesterol. And the Devil saw and said, "It is good." And
>> Man went into cardiac arrest.
>> And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
>> And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance.
>> Then God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook
>> the nourishing whole grain brown rice.
>> And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body with
>> alcohol while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much
>> of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And Man gained another
>> ten pounds.
>> And God created the life-giving tofu.
>> And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and
>> upon returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?"
>> And the Devil said, "Always tell the truth." And Man did.
>> And Woman went out from the presence of man and dwelt in the land
>> of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.
>>
>
>Nice story you have here ;)
heh-heh-heeeeee
ds
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