On Mon, 12 Jul 2010 22:02:04 -0400, NP-f31 wrote:
>This weekend I spent my time with family. I had the chance to spend a
>lot of time with three different boys. The first was my own son, who
>is 13. He had spent the previous two weeks away from me. He spent a
>week with a friend from school, and his family in the mountains. Then
>he went with his Mom to visit family up north. So I hadn't seen him in
>two weeks. I had missed him badly. Turns out he'd missed me too. We
>were at a family reunion up in a different set of mountains. My oldest
>son had brought his girlfriend and she needed her own room so my
>youngest son slept with me. When we got in bed he asked me if we had
>to go to sleep right away because he'd missed me and he really wanted
>to talk. I said we can talk all night if you want. I've spent his
>whole life instilling in him the trust that would allow him to talk to
>me about anything. It has worked. He can talk to me about whatever is
>on his mind (like the alarming differences between himself and the
>other boys in the locker room). Friday night we talked about his
>experiences with his friend's family and how different they were from
>his own family. He knows his family is not perfect, but sometimes it
>compares favorably to the family of his friends. He was intrigued by
>the things he sees now that he's a teenager that he didn't see before.
>He sees the flaws in people he loves and that makes him sad. We talked
>about how others see him. He is always surprised that the parents of
>his friends are smitten with him. I hear comments all the time. He was
>raised as I was, in the southern style where you address adults with
>a, 'Yes sir' and 'Yes Ma'am'. But he is also able to carry on an adult
>conversation and most of his friends, as intelligent as they may be,
>do not have the social grace to engage an adult in serious
>conversation and hold their own. I see this too, but I've spoken to
>him as an equal since he was six years old. Being a father is an
>incredible honor and a lifelong job. Knowing that you helped create a
>soul of such infinite beauty is a humbling experience.
>
>My son is physically beautiful and that is the first thing that you
>would notice about him. However, if you were to have a conversation
>with him, you would be struck by the way he holds your gaze and
>listens so well to you. You know how, as a boylover, you can make a
>boy feel special just by smiling at him in a certain way? He has the
>gift of being able to do this with anyone. It comes as naturally to
>him as it does to you. Is he a boylover? No, he loves everyone. I
>spent some time watching him this weekend, from a nearby vantage
>point. Much of his attention was spent with kids his age or a little
>older, but when I watched him engage other adults, especially older
>adults, I saw the way he made them feel. He has a special relationship
>with a male cousin of mine who is a few years older than me. This man
>was married three times and screwed each marriage up. He was a
>temporary step-father to six different children, only to have them
>move away from him, it honestly crushed him. He is now a virtual
>hermit. He is a good man, as different from me as a full blood
>relative can be. This relative lived with my family at two different
>low points in his life. He was able to form a tight bond with my son
>during those times, and my son adores him. The effect my son has on my
>cousin is as important as the effect he has on my son. I encourage the
>relationship because my cousin can teach my son things that I could
>never teach him, and he can set a contrasting example of what a man
>can be the good and the bad. I encourage the relationship because I
>know that my sons love is one of the few things that keeps my cousin
>from checking out for good.
>
>Having my son all to myself is my favorite pastime. Friday night, we
>lay in bed together, his head on my shoulder, a ceiling fan cooling us
>off, and we talked well into the night about everything that mattered
>to him. We ended up drifting off to sleep. It was the sort of thing I
>dream about as a boylover, and I shared that joy with my own son.
>
>This sort of relationship is not an option for many boylovers.
>However, the goal can be the same. It is entirely possible to have
>that intimate closeness with a boy who is not your natural son. It is
>most rewarding experience a boylover can have.
>
>Which brings me to Brandon. By all accounts Brandon has no business
>being on earth. Born prematurely and with serious problems, he spent
>much of his first two months in a hospital and many subsequent
>operations as he grew. He was a fighter though. Sadly the financial
>strain of keeping him alive ruined his parent's marriage. Brandon's
>father doesn't have much to do with him. Because of this Brandon has
>always been fascinated by me. I met him eight years ago when he was
>eight. He had, and still has, impossibly thin legs and a deep scar
>across his abdomen that bears witness to the struggles of his early
>years. He doesn't have precise motor control over his face and neck
>and sometimes he appears to have cerebral palsy, but that isn't the
>case. When he was eight Brandon still wore braces on his legs. He
>tried his best to compete in the Kid Olympics we staged that summer.
>He loved to be swing around by his arms in circles until he was ready
>to puke. Even then, as a little kid, who couldn't speak precisely or
>clearly, he said things that were so heartfelt and profound that he
>brought tears to the eyes anyone with a soul. He was so appreciative
>of the love and acceptance he received from my family (we made him an
>honorary family member) that he gave thanks. He taught me the lesson
>that even someone who has been so afflicted in his life has the
>capacity and right to be joyful. And so he is. He is 16 now, and still
>doesn't know why I love him the way I do. He is a handsome kid,
>puberty has begun to add muscles to his torso (but not his legs, not
>yet anyway), he shaves a little, but he has a lot of trouble getting
>the attention of girls. He ran errands with me this weekend (I let him
>drive!) and every store we went into had a cute cashier that he tried
>to chat up. They were really almost rude to him, but not quite. His
>clear eyed innocence and loving heart allowed him to brush off these
>rejections in stride, 'Well, she's kind of hard to get to know, isn't
>she?' One day (I pray) he will find a young lady with the same
>innocence and capacity for infinite love that he has. But right now,
>my heart hurts for him. It is a hard, hard and faithless world for
>someone who is so genuinely pure of heart. He is very religious and
>his faith is unshakable. It truly sustains him. And he is the only boy
>I've ever known who sees my boysmile for what it really is: love. The
>time we get to spend together each year is fleeting, but each time we
>meet we fill each other's hearts with what we each need most. The pure
>love of a man for a boy and the pure love of a boy for a man.
>
>Then there is Jacob. Jake is three. He is blonde, blue eyed and
>perfect in every way. In a few more years he will be a boy god, there
>is no question. I only see Jake about three times a year and he
>forgets who I am until we get together next time. This weekend it only
>took him a few minutes to remember me. 'Now what is your name again?'
>Jake has discovered the joy of a boysmile. I would come across him
>periodically in my travels and exclaim, 'Hey Jake!' with a big
>boysmile. This never failed to elicit the same response. He gets a big
>surprised smile on his face and says, 'Hey!' and then he would draw me
>into whatever was on his mind at the moment. 'What's this?' 'That's a
>kazoo, Jake.' "A kazoo? What's that?' 'You can make music with it' and
>I showed him how. Off he went to make 'music' for everyone he came
>across. 'Wanna hear my music?' Jakob is the perfect age to learn
>things. Everything he encounters is full of magic. Remember when the
>whole world was new? We watched butterflies opening and closing their
>wings. 'Are they eating dirt?' 'No, Jake, they're cooling off.' 'Do
>butterflies get hot too?' 'I think so, are you hot?' Thinks for a
>minute...'Yes.' 'You want me to throw you in the creek?' 'No.' 'You
>want me to roll you in the wet grass?' Giggles...'Yes!'
>
>He is so small. Impossibly small, but so exactly perfect. I remember
>just two years ago holding him as he slept. Next year he will remember
>me. He will never forget me. I'll make sure of that because I will
>always make him feel the love I have for him. I will always share
>those little moments of magic. He has a great Daddy, but he will
>always love his Uncle Doc. I will be that special man in his life that
>he always thinks fondly of. My son has one and Jake does too.
>
>This weekend I experienced three different kinds of pure love. The
>love of a son for his father, the grace-filled love of a walking
>angel, and the exuberant love in the hug of a three year old boy.
>
>I know some boylovers see their love for boys as a curse, but to me it
>is gift for which I am daily thankful. Life is what you make it.
>
>Doc
>NP-f31
Hi Doc,
Obviously I'm a bit late in getting to the party, but I felt compelled
to comment on your story of three boys - three kinds of love. I hope
you realize how blessed you truly are to have these wonderful boys in
your life. And how blessed are these boys to have you in their lives?
Man...
If I may, I'd like to take this opportunity to share a little bit of
how I spent my Saturday this past weekend. I attended a high school
graduation party for my (fraternal) twin nephews. They graduated from
a private, all-boys college preparatory school in June and I couldn't
be more proud of them if they were my own sons. When the boys were
younger - before hitting their teens - we referred to them as the
"Velcro Twins" and I was the "Velcro Uncle". Whenever my brother had
the boys for the weekend and I stopped over, they both would
immediately stop whatever they were doing and I'd have a lad stuck to
each hip for most of the evening. My brother was never envious, but
actually happy that his boys loved their uncle so much. Naturally, I
never complained either.
One thing I noticed at this party was how mature and well-mannered
young men my nephews have become. Sure, they dress and look like
typical 18 year olds, but they thanked each and every guest that
attended and evenly split their time between their own friends (who
were also mature and well-mannered) and the adults who were there. In
one example of this, one of their best friends wasn't able to attend,
but the friend's parents and two younger brothers showed up and they
spent a good bit of time visiting with them.
One of their best friends that they graduated with came with his
parents and his little brother. The little brother (an adorable boy of
about 9 years of age - who instantly reminded me of Jimmy/Tonik) felt
so out of place, even with his big brother there. Aside from how
adorable the boy was, it was obvious that he had a great relationsihp
with his big brother. One of my nephews called me over to the table
where they were sitting and introduced me to the boy and my nephew
said to him "This is my uncle, now you're not a nobody!" I looked
down at the lad as I gently shook his delicate little hand and gave
him a big boy-smile. His face lit up like the Las Vegas strip and from
that point on, the little fellow was much more comfortable.
A little while later, I wound up next to the boy in the buffet line
and I noticed that he kept fidgeting with a loose tooth. I set my
plate down for a moment and put my thumb an forefinger together and
moved my hand close to his face and said "Here, let me take care of
that loose tooth for you..." He let out a cute little boy squeal and
covered his mouth, giggling the whole time.
Before they left, the little guy came over and actually hugged me
tightly, then looked up and with a wide toothy smile said "You must be
the uncle the guys are always talking about." and gave me another hug.
Although my heart was about to burst, I managed to say "Well, I
suppose I am, but... (and then leaned down close to his ear and added)
but if they say anything bad about me, it isn't true - I swear!" He
just giggled and said "Okay!" as he ran off to join his big brother.
Needless to say, I had a very good time, but better than I had
expected.
I suppose what I most want to impart is that there is hope for this
young generation yet. Despite what we often see and hear about with
kids these days, there are many who turn out to be damn fine young men
and women. It just takes some good guidance from parents, teachers,
and adults who truly care. My nephews and their friends seem to have
gotten an abundance of this growing up, and for that, I'm very
thankful.
Thanks again, Doc!
Love ya!
Chad (NP-b24)
"Well, can't he just beam up?"
"This is *reality* Greg."
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