Dragon Science
Draconology, the science of dragons, is a dying specialty - literally.
It's one practitioner, Dr. Volodimir Kapusianyk, 98, currently resides
in a nursing home in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.
For Several years, he has been trying to write the definitive
draconology textbook, but ill health has kept from completing more
than the foreword. In the hope that someone will take up the torch of
draconology from his falling hand, Dr. Kapusianyk has asked to InQuest
magazine to print his foreword, reasoning that their readers must
include many whom already interested in dragons.
I take personal initiative to put this on my page, knowing that on
Internet there are many dragon lovers that, maybe some, will continue
his work.
Dragons: Our Fiery Friends
By Volodimir Kapusianyk, Ph.D.
Foreword
Relegated to myth by many cultures, dragons did, in fact, exist - but
now, alas, are extinct, the last having died in captivity in 1911 in a
small traveling zoo in Nebraska, where, as a teenager, I saw it. It
was pitiful creature, scrawny, barely 8 feet long, not a wisp of smoke
coming from it, and, greatest indignity of all, mistakenly labeled a
"Rare Winged Garter Snake." But I knew better, and on that fateful day
chose to devote my life to the study of these magnificent creatures.
Many critics deride draconology, claiming a creature like a dragon,
apparently reptilian yet able to fly and breath fire, is
scientifically impossible.
The key, however, is that phrase "apparently reptilian." Yes, dragons
looked reptilian - but they were not. They were, in fact, a phylum
unto themselves, like no other creature that ever walked the Earth.
This textbook contains all I have learned or theorized about dragons.
To fly, a creature must generate enough lift to counteract the force
of gravity exerts on its mass. To fly really well, you must maximize
lift and minimize mass. Dragons' huge wings generated plenty of lift,
and they minimized their mass in two ways.
First, their bones, like birds', were almost hollow. Second, they were
made, not of the usual mixture of calcium and other minerals, but from
long chain of hydrocarbon: a natural form of very strong, very light
plastic which also formed their incredibly tough scales.
In fact, their whole bodies were awash in hydrocarbons. They had large
internal bladders filled with methane, a natural byproduct of
digestion in human, and more so in dragons. Methane is lighter than
air, so this bladder, like a giant internal balloon, reduced mass (and
enhanced flight) even more.
Methane is also flammable, and dragons evolved a way to spew flaming
methane for defensive purposes . Study of dragon fossils reveals that
dragons had a specialized organ in the roof of their mouth in which a
jagged nugget of iron, coalesced from iron in the dragon's
bloodstream, hung suspended with pieces of flint, which the dragon
ingested as needed. When the dragon exhaled methane, the iron and
flint tumbled around, generating sparks, which ignited the gas.
Dragons' peculiar body chemistry also made their blood highly
corrosive. Essentially, they were walking chemical factories, their
bloodstream filled with toxic waste.
Finally, we will examine in detail how dragons' growing dependence for
food on virgins provided by local villagers made them fat, lazy and
easy prey for glory-hungry knights, who drove them into a long, slow
decline that ended at last with the death of that poor, bedraggled
specimen in Nebraska.
Draconology is a difficult but rewarding field of study. I hope you
enjoy your journey through it
Lil Stinker
"just havin' fun!"
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