| Joke Time |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (bat@cave.org) |
2009/04/17 13:14 |
As I was walking through a variety store, I stopped at the pet
department to look at some parakeets. In one cage a green bird lay on
his back, one foot hooked oddly into the cage wire.
I was about to alert the saleswoman to the bird's plight when I
noticed a sign taped to the cage: "No, I am not sick. No, I am not
dead. No, my leg is not stuck in the cage. I just like to sleep this
way."
~~~~~
LONDON -- A terrified British mother put police on red alert after
mistaking the sound of lovemaking for a cry for help from her
daughter.
The Independent newspaper said that two accidental phone calls woke
the woman in Devizes, southern England, in the small hours of the
morning. Hearing moaning, groaning and shouting, she dismissed the
first as an obscene call, but in the second she recognized her
daughter crying: "Oh my God,'' and heard a man's voice.
Convinced her daughter was being attacked in her bedroom 100 miles
(160 km) away, she dialed the emergency number and a police squad sped
to the daughter's home to investigate.
"Officers rushed round and found she wasn't being attacked--in fact
she was quite willing,'' a police spokesman said. "They explained that
during the moments of passion one of the couple [pushed an auto-dial
button on their phone] with a toe. Unfortunately on both occasions it
was the girl's mother's phone number,'' he said. "This is a warning
for other people - if you're going to indulge in this sort of thing,
move the phone.''
~~~~~
45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a
mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed
in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the
mechanic for an oil change.
According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that
the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
~~~~~
We invite grandparents to a special day at our school, culminating in
a photo op with grandparent and grandchild posing in front of a
colorful display from a history class.
Only after the last shot was snapped did we notice what appeared above
each grandparent's head: a banner screaming "Discover the Ancient
World."
~~~~~
Bumper Stickers
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
You've obviously mistaken me for someone who cares.
This is my other car!
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Stop the violins. Visualize whirled peas.
Gun Control isn't about guns. It's about control.
There's too much youth; how about a fountain of smart.
My computer doesn't understand me!
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
Grandchildren are spoiled because you can't spank the Grandma!
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Support Capitol Punishment, Flog a Politician Today.
I'd rather be hunting.
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine!
Hang up and drive!
Proud member of the vast right-wing conspiracy.
I souport publik edukashun.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
I'd rather be driving a golf ball.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong!
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
A politician should do two terms - one in office and one in jail.
Tired of being around? Call Dr. Jack.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be
changed regularly, and for the same reason.
My other car bumper sticker is funny.
If all else fails... lower your standards
Bosses are like diapers. Full of shit and all over your ass!
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Don't laugh ... It's paid for!
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
He who dies with the most toys, wins!
My other car is a Porsche.
|
| Follow-ups: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
|
|