Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
A: Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...
Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think
he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if
he's married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love
you"?
A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q: What are "Do It," "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
A: George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands while you are talking?
A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
get any during your first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing
strawberries!
Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps. One is politics. What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What
will a goose do?
A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into
the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Q: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one
daddy?
A: Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!
Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo!
Poo!" What does that mean?
A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it?
A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
Q: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the
movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen?
A: Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked the question.
Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it's sex?
A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect
light?
A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.
|
|