You know you're getting older when you bend over in the morning to tie
your shoes and realize you didn't take them off the night before.
~~~~~
The golden years are really metallic years, gold in the tooth, silver
in your hair and most of all, lead in the pants.
~~~~~
The most frustrating thing about getting older is that every time you
see an expensive antique, you remember one just like it you once threw
away.
~~~~~
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age
of 80 and gradually approach 18.
~~~~~
Let's face it, traveling just isn't as much fun when all the
historical sites are younger than you are.
~~~~~
I'm suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. I go to the mall and forget
where I parked my car.
~~~~~
A woman became ill and was admitted to the hospital. When her
attending physician arrived, she asked, "Doctor, what is wrong with
me?"
He replied, "Mrs. Jones, you have acute appendicitis."
Her answer: "Oh, Doctor, you say the nicest things!"
~~~~~
I bought some of that "Gingko" that's supposed to improve your memory,
but I forgot where I put it.
~~~~~
You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal
detector.
~~~~~
In dog years, I'm dead.
I'd be much better off being a cat. You get nine tries.
~~~~~
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