Ellen Degeneres Quotes
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say
because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother
is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was
kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for
ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an
accountant.
The sixties were when hallucinogentic drugs were really, really big.
And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we
had then, like The Flying Nun.
Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to
watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me
thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five
miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where
the hell she is.
JAY LENO QUOTES
More details coming out about Michael Jackson. It seems his
13-year-old accuser testified before a grand jury that Michael had
seven locks on his bedroom door. See, what happened was whenever
Michael would install one lock, the kid would grow an inch taller, and
another one.
Inauguration Security was tighter than Kirstie Alley in a pair of
spandex pants.
its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their
best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider
Whitney Houston rear-ended a city bus with her sports car, but no one
concentrating on the big white line, and the next, boom!
According to a new poll, 72 percent of pet owners buy their pets a
Christmas present. In fact, in Las Vegas, Siegfried gave his cats a
chew toy....Roy.
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course,
those tests come back positive.
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