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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Things to do on a bus
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Date: Thu, 11 Dec 2008 14:05:34 -0600
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When someone asks you what your favorite mode of transit is, it most
likely isn't taking the bus! However, if you are stuck on a long bus
ride, we are pleased to provide you with a list of things to do to
pass away the time...
1. Eat nothing but gas inducing foods the entire trip, not hesitating
to ?hare the wealth?with everyone on board. Recommended foods are
chilli, burritos, McDonalds, any eggs, Kentuky Fried Chicken (stay
near the toilet if you want the KFC...)
2. Repeat #1, only engage in a ?uppy war?with the bus driver. (For
those that do not know what a ?uppy?is, it involves making a cup with
your hand, farting in it and slipping it directly into the face of
some unsuspecting friend.)
3. Every time the bus wobbles from the wind caused by passing
transports, jump up and scream ?E?E ALL GONNA DIE!?/font>
4. Incessantly complain that it is way too cold in the bus, no matter
what the temperature is, keep doing it until the bus driver turns the
heat up to full blast just to shut you up, then wait a few minutes for
it to get really hot and start to complain about it.
5. Two words: Water Pistol
6. Two more words: Paper Airplanes
7. Make racing car noises constantly, occasionally announcing your
progress along the ?acetrack?in an announcer voice. When anyone comes
up to you and asks what the fuck you are doing, look at them funny and
ask how they got in your NASCAR.
8. Eat nothing but really noisy foods, such as bags of chips, nachos,
tacos, individually wrapped candies and unwrap them as loudly as
possible. Also eat them noisily, chewing with your mouth open and
making the loudest possible slopping noises.
9. Purchase a megaphone, ?uff said.
10. Engage in some hot, wild sex at the back of the bus with one or
more passengers.
11. Sit at the back of the bus, turning off all the lights around you
and keeping the blinds down, keep a black briefcase on your lap at all
times, wear a black trench coat and a black hat, look really nervous,
don? talk to anybody and keep glancing at your watch.
12. Walk up and down the aisle, claiming out loud that you are Jesus
and blessing everyone with a half-eaten leg of Kentucky Fired Chicken.
13. When the bus is driving all alone on a long stretch of highway,
preferably completely devoid of life of any sort, suddenly jump up and
start running up and down the aisle, flailing your arms and screaming
as loud and you can....
14. Then after 30 seconds or so, sit down at your seat and act like
nothing happened.
15. When the bus stops for a food break, instead of following the
other passengers to a restaurant, sit outside in front of the big
picture window on the ground with a struggling burlap sack. Open the
sack and remove some small, live animal (cat, squirrel, rat, pigeon,
etc) and eat it like a feral dog would, in the view of everyone else.
Make lots of growling noises, snarl and snap at people who get too
close.
16. Use the bathroom often, for disturbingly long periods of time.
Make lots of grunting and straining noises, loud enough for everyone
to hear. Occasionally drop an orange into the bowl from a good height.
17. When in the bathroom, wait for the bus to hit a huge pothole or
bump, then scream for help, claiming you are now shitting on your
head.
18. Get on the bus first, pick the seat right behind the bus driver,
as everyone gets on, greet each one of them with a hug and a kiss.
19. At night when everyone is sleepy and unsuspecting, suddenly start
barking as loud as possible, feel free to use megaphone.
20. Play with knives, just like Bishop on Aliens!
21. Clean a .357 Magnum, if that doesn't get peoples attention,
cleaning the rest of your on board hand collection will.
22. When someone is in the toilet, bang on the door and yell at them
to get out as quickly as possible. Then just as they open the door,
put a strained look on your face and say ?ever mind...?then drive the
point home by farting.
23. Musical chairs, using your 200 watt boom box.
24. Come onto the bus with a beanie on, sit down and put your walkman
headphone buds up your nose. When the person sitting beside you looks
at you like you are from mars, say "Mishap during an operation,
Doctors just aren't the same these days."
25. When sitting down in your seat, pull out a small collection of
vomit bags, look through them and ask the person beside you "If I run,
out do you have any paper or plastic bags? I'm not picky, either would
be fine...
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