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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Quickies get longer
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Date: Sun, 07 Dec 2008 09:57:30 -0600
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:7536
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a
scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper
arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that
was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he
surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was
driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in
front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I
swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right
and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was
........."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off. "There isn't a tree on
this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and
forth".
----------
The popular blonde cheerleader bounced into the local
card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk.
"Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?"
she asked.
"Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a
new one. It's inscribed, "To the Boy Who Got My Cherry."
"Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box."
----------
I'M BLONDE AND I'M BEAUTIFUL!
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde
sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy
since she didn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York
and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the
co-pilot to speak to her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to
please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
New York and I'm not moving.
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he
should do. The captain said, "I' m married to a blonde, and I know how
to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear.
She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to
herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain
what he said to her. The captain replied: "I told her the first class
section wasn't going to New York."
----------
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a
redhead, and one's a blond. Two guards brings the brunette forward,
and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and
looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the
redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last
requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The
redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and
looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had
figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the
executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blond shouts, "fire!!"
----------
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a
bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of dum blond
jokes when a big blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and
says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond
jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do
a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human
being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected
at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a
person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate
discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in
the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond pipes
up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little fucker on
your knee!"
----------
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