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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Quickies are growin'
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Date: Sat, 06 Dec 2008 01:44:43 -0600
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Q. How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A. HO, HO, HO, and to all a good night.
Q. How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
A. Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
Q. What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A. They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
A. Teeth in a cavity.
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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette
balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west
to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to
buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it
home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and
decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it
for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to
send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a
telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our
ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive
out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that
he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She
realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After
thinking for few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her
the word,' comfortable'."
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know
that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick truck and drive
out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word
comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."
----------
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning,
the wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said," How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung
up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some
young woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."
----------
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she
opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the
blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and
as she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts
it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
----------
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says,
"O.K., "What's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy, W."
----------
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
----------
Q. What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her
ears?
A. A padded dash.
Q. Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens?
Q. Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
Q. Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2
hours?
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