Beers For Geeks
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in
an 8-oz can, but now comes in a 16-oz can. However, the can is divided
into 8 compartments of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed
separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are
going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
MAC Beer:
At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical.
When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients
list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you
are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds
you to drag your empties to the waste bin.
Windows 95 Beer:
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that looks a lot
like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that
it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in
reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially
slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time.
Sometimes, for no apparent reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode
when you open it.
Windows 98 Beer:
See Windows 95 beer above. About the same but Windows 98 beer creates
less gas and makes you crash less.
Windows 2000 Beer:
A new beer on the market. A lot of people have taste tested it and
claim it's wonderful. The can looks like Mac and OS/2 Beer's can, but
tastes like Windows 95/98 Beer. It comes in 32-oz cans, but when you
look inside, the cans only have 16-oz of beer in them. Most people
will probably keep drinking Windows 95/98 Beer until their friends try
Windows 2000 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you
look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in
DOS and Mac Beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an
entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
causes most people to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can
looks just like Windows 95 Beer's, but the company promises to change
the can to look like Windows 2000 Beer's, after Windows 2000 Beer
starts shipping well. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and
suggested only for use in bars.
Unix Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8-oz to 64-oz.
Drinkers on Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they
claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes
the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have
your own can opener around for these occasions, in which case you
either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been
drinking Unix Beer for several years...
AmigaOS Beer:
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked
up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import.
This beer never really sold very well, because the original
manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS
Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. it originally came in
a 16-oz can, but now comes in 32-oz cans too. When this can was
originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design
hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics
of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.
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